poseychi
The rain pours over my body. My skin is wet and I am cold. I'm shivering slightly and I can see my breath in the night air. But it is a good feeling. I feel awake and refreshed. I close my eyes, breathing in deeply, filling my lungs. I feel....alive.
Since that day I have yet to find any happiness. Pain still runs fresh through my body. It fills every corner of my heart and every chamber of my mind. Happiness isn't real. Not in my world. It's a lie that has been fed to me but I finally figured i out.
My hatred for you combined with my love for you has left my body in ruins. I can now no longer distinguish between the two and I am being ripped apart from the inside out. I know not what to do.
I've never been one to vote. When I turn 18 I've already decided that I won't. I don't want to be at blame when the country doesn't get what they want. Therefore I'll save myself the trouble and skip out on voting. I won't complain when something happens, I just don't care enough.
There are a hundred soldiers at my feet. They are my army and I, their leader. I will lead them to victory and treat them as gods. For they deserve nothing less.
The moment our eyes met my breathing stopped. Only for a second. Before it started back up again. My heart skipped and then went in to double time. And then I realized from that breath to now that I was yours and I wanted you to be mine.
I need it. More than anything I need help in all aspects of my life. I need it in school and in love. I need help because I don't know how to be happy. I spend my life trying to help other people and yet I can't even help myself. But never will I ask for help. Never will I let it show that I need it. I need help more than anything, but that's my little secret.
To the rest of the world I am help. To the rest of the world I have the answers.
Shhhhhhh.
writing since 2012 · 7 entries · 7 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Poseychi showed up.
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the words Poseychi reaches for
helpbodyloveresteyesbreathingheartbreathnowhappinessaspectsschoolhappyspendtryingsecret