sscushing

sscushing

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Not sure why I didn't see it before from this vantage point, but I knew that it was different than anything that I had ever seen before. The light from the sunset was rolling down over the hills and sparkling across the water. Today he'd said two words to me that erased years of doubt from my father. Just 'I Know" was all he needed to say. But from this viewpoint I could see our future and I knew that he and I would have a few more moments to share before he was gone.

I think I saw you once when you were younger. I could watch you from afar on the beach as you walked on the waterfront boardwalk. There you were in your pink dress and polkadots with that little basket on your arm. You would pick some of the flowers along the little garden pots for your grandfather. I liked seeing you smile. I never had the courage then to say how I felt, but I think you knew. But here we are and I've finally told you about my viewpoint, my first glance of who you were and the gratitude to see you become you are today.

It's still hot out. It's still so muggy that I can feel the sweat between my balls and my thighs creating an almost viscous connector, like some sort of chemical bond between two elements. This is just gross and I have already showered three times today. There's nothing remotely seductive about this sultry, muggy, horrible, disgusting day.

She took a bite of the orange and set it on the counter. The juices from the fruit dripped down her chin and she smiled at her lover. He smiled back. He tossed her the newspaper and she frowned. He removed his shirt in the mirror and held his head in front of the fan. The air was thick. He imagined himself close to her, but merely felt uncomfortable in the heat. "The storm will have thunder," he said. "And rain, I hope." She was staring out the window tucking another chunk of orange inside her cheek.

It dropped into my system like a fire in the sky. Two Million Light Years passed and I was wondering where I had gone. What worlds I had seen. There in the distance, on the horizon was the red blip of light along side the green fluorescent world I'd seen somewhere in the haze of the world I wanted to be in. But I had never had felt so empty searching for something I wanted. The loneliness in the liminal spaces between knowing and uncertainty. Grounded, I saw her turn her head away. Her cheek had never felt so cold.

It took me three tries to get the frakking bolt into the right place to secure the whole thing to the tree. It felt like the instructions were written in german, translated through chinese and the back to english. I cursed my own inept fat fingers until it finally went through. The treehouse was nearly completely. The boys would be happy. And I would need a beer.

We're some 50,000 feet in the air. That's higher than the commercial jetliners go. What were we even looking for and how the hell would we see it from all the way up here. The earth looked like nothing I knew. Foreign. I was an alien viewing the shit below. Same as the shit I wrote on the page.

It took me some time to get going. I couldn't figure out which direction to take as I was trying to a hit a particular latitude and longitude on the map that wasn't represented by any sort of marker. No city, no landmark, just numbers. Felt like I was headed to the middle of nowhere. In this life, what else is new?

I've been thinking about our old place out in the desert. It was ramshackle and the pipes were leaking, but it was ours. That screen door wouldn't have stayed on if we'd cemented it into its hinges. The attic smelled of decay and I am certain that creature we found in the basement was actually a scorpion mixed with a cat. But that place was ours.

This is a test, this is only a test. Your words are disappearing. Soon you will have no "flood", no "deluge", not even a word for ocean. Be wary of the large tomes that try to give them back to you. You may confuse the word you're looking for with zealot, or gelatinous. This is a test this is only a test. Your words are disappearing.

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writing since 2011 · 37 entries · 34 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Hudson showed up.

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on this day 12 years ago

Hudson wrote about viewpoint
“Not sure why I didn't see it before from this vantage point, but I knew that it was different than anything that I had ever seen before. The light from the sunset was rolling down over the hills and …”

the words Hudson reaches for

sandwichwalkedfacewordsmomentmeanwholelighttestpieceshithopewonderedaireyeshigher