undertheolddream
I am a shape shifter. You think it is you who is changing, but it is I who change you. I stare at you, day in and day out, challenging your true image by showing you a possible image of yourself, an altered image you slowly come to believe and accept. Do you know this, or do you go through life’s motions, none the wiser? Sometimes I like to think you’re smarter than you look.
I am your reflection, for this life, and you think you are whoever I want you to be.
I am a shape shifter. You think it is you who is changing, but it is I who change you. I stare at you, day in and day out, trying to be what you wish to see. Do you know this, or do you go through life's motions, none the wiser? Sometimes I like to think you're smarter than you look.
I am your reflection, for this life, and you think you are whoever I want you to be.
Cold. Frozen, like your heart. Stabbing, like your tongue. Hanging precariously like the weight of all your wrongdoings. Icicles, like those you embedded in my skin. You are glass, frozen glass, temporary glass, melting, leaving me, leaving all of us.
I make myself smile. On this endless road I ride, my tires eating pavement like a hungry horse. I am racing toward my destiny, toward a future of unbounded opportunity. Me, and you, and all of us, we are altering the future as we are running with it.
Dear awakening of epiphany, please dawn on the days of reason. I can't keep breathing in this cold night air while ambling along a path I don't understand.
Comfort? I know of no such thing. I am an empty shell without mind or soul. No epiphany has lit up these dusty old bones in a long while. I undermine myself without thinking about the untruths I am spreading. Down come the weak walls of me I tried to construct. How silly of me to think they could survive for any longer than this...but that is exactly why I am in this situation. There is no hope in this land. There is no strength. There is only the martyr sacrificed on the grounds of angst. There is no hero, no genius in this body, only the absence of a mother's love and self-deprecating self-hate.
I wanted to take your advice. Plain and simple. I knew it was the right path. However, my heart saw no destiny in following it. Here I stand in my dilemma, wishing I had want enough to follow in your footsteps.
I do not prosper in the modern world. I am a shrinking entity, the middle class. Restrictions upon restrictions choke my wallet. Suffocate me.
You speak but don't say. You are an empty promise, and we are walking these cold unfriendly halls without noticing. Hospitality in the hospital doesn't exist, like you no longer exist in this setting with me. We could be watching the waves crash onto shore together but you choose for us to each be alone.
The edge of the earth. Electric minds surge forth and over. Forth and over they go. I am your brain. I disregard the edge. We have horizontal limits but we stretch upward like tall pillars of connection. We are connected to an idea bigger than we are, an idea that stretches across the cosmos.
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writing since 2011 · 15 entries · 12 days shown up
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