wallflowerseason
I see stars when I close my eyes and this type of tiredness can't be cured by simply sleep. Mine is an inherent exhaustion, and some days, I'm thankful for feeling its weight, because feeling anything is a reminder that I am alive at all. Sometimes I am forgetful.
My doctor would tell me fatigue and loss of memory are symptoms of my depression, or maybe of my medication, but I am no fool and his placebos are nothing but deadweight in my pocket. Maybe sleeping pills would fix my tiredness, if I took enough.
I have claimed for half my life to be someone important. It started when I was a little girl and I stood atop tall rocks, claiming to be the king of the world--queen didn't sound strong enough.
my thoughts are
suffocating and
it is hard to breathe--
i can barely keep my
head above water--
it is my anchor and
i belong to a strictly
sink-or-swim world.
i am drowning in my
thoughts and sorrows--
i am drowning in what
i cannot know.
The trouble with thinking is that, although at first it leads to intelligence, after a while it becomes a guessing-game and a chaotic state and results in knowing less than before. The trouble with smart people is that they think too much. And so, they are rarely happy with themselves or what they know.
writing since 2013 · 9 entries · 7 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Zoe showed up.
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the words Zoe reaches for
lessgodfastslowbreatherarelytroublethoughtswaterswimdrowningstarseyestirednessfeelingworn