withenaych
A girl in my class today asked a question, but her question trailed off in a mumble. I asked her to clarify, and she repeated it verbatim - including the mumble. We use mumbles to protect ourselves when we're self-conscious or embarrassed. How interesting that something so weak and indecisive is armor.
I get e-mails with links to my bank statements, and I get envelopes in the mail. I never read them. I should probably pay more attention to money than I do. I've just started actually respecting my savings account instead of withdrawing money from it whenever I please. That's a good start, I hope.
I have nothing to say. Everything I think of is too strong. Statement is a strong word, and I just want soft direction right now. When I come on strong I get lost and don't follow through. Empty statements.
"my heart is like a loudspeaker - always set to eleven!"
I love that song. It's on a mix cd Courtney gave me, and I never get sick of it. I know all the words, and it always seems one hundred percent true.
a colorful bandana: wrapped around an arm, an ankle, peeking out of a pocket, folded across a forehead. this is how we tell the masses of children apart.
do people dream of being executives of corporations? sometimes I wonder if that has become the new astronaut/firefighter/teacher fantasy. it's attainable but still aloof, and it comes with luxury and all the material goods you might desire. people might dream of this, but I don't.
I want to write more than I do. I want to create. But my will is ragged. I succumb to the internet when I have free time. I don't read. I don't write. I don't create.
the edges of a page are ragged. the edges of my denim shorts are ragged. my breaths after running a full mile for the first time are ragged. my thoughts when I'm tired are ragged. my dogs' fur is ragged after they run through the bushes.
I want to write about my boyfriend, because wishing is hopeful and magical and calming and peaceful - all of which reminds me of him. But wishing doesn't fit, because he is real, and comforting, and I don't have to wish. He's already here for me. He's fulfilled my wish.
wish. swish. bathwater. warm. in the tub. rub a dub dub. plastic boat with frayed edges. three different ducks. bubbles. Bubbles. BUBBLES!! warm warm water. turn on the spout. more warm water! gurgling. burbling. swishing. wishing. wishing for a bath at 18.
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writing since 2010 · 17 entries · 10 days shown up
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