apatheticfreak
i think i forget that television isn't real too much for it to be healthy
it seems so easy
falling in love because you're always surrounded by good looking people
yet there is always too much drama
too much moments where i'm left screaming
what are you doing that's stupid
and the characters still go on doing stuff
because it's not real
however much i want it to be
and this has nothing to do with trainers unless you can count tv as the trainers i pull on to run away from reality
nobody ever dreams of being a caterpillar
everybody just wants to be the pretty butterfly
but isn't it amazing how whilst the cocoon
the caterpillar totally dissolves
and changes completely
i don't think having all your bits liquefied would be very fun
or painless
so i kind of salute the caterpillar
that's willing to go through all that
just to be someone everyone admires and wants to be
i'm pressing against my esophagus in a desperate attempt to convince my body that no, i don't need the air, no i want the oxygen and my body thinks otherwise
and i want to remind it that I AM IN CONTROL HERE
and nobody else
and my decisions count for something
if i will it so
it happens
green:
i don't feel the angry rearing within my chest
when i look through your instagram
it has transformed into a feeling of gray
acknowlegement that you meant something to me
but that is in the past
black;
the darkness that surrounded me
has changed as well
it settles around my shoulders comfortably
much like the hush that descends after a play
or a movie
and you breathe a few times
relishing the story
before walking out the door and inhaling fresh air
I thought burning bridges meant destruction and pain and no going back
but I forgot that smoke has purifying qualities
and the path ahead of me will have beautiful flowers
growing from the fallen ash
so nice to meet you
how do you do
(god damn your eyes are so blue)
how was your day?
(shit i don't know what to say)
um excuse me
can you bsdkjhbvhendjnolsjd
thought process has stopped.
stuntman jumping off cliffs I want to do that too jump off the internet and just vanish just disappear no debris no remains no blood just oblivion and yet it is never that simple is it its so messy
Going out of my house
breathing in the night air
is the one thing in life
I strive to do
for the rest
not just now
not just now
out of the door
Out of the walls
into the night
Shorthand reminds me of shotgun of weddings of lacy white twirling bliss shorthand reminds me of small hands of dead hands of hands curled around my hand shorthand reminds me of short people of the angle of elevation of the difference a few centimeters can make.
You held me in your arms, not once but twice. And I realised in the middle of last night that maybe I just want to be held to infinity without end.
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