cassandramorrow
why isn't life marked with more signs? i don't know what to stop for. i don't know what to yield to. i don't know where to turn right, where to turn left. where am i supposed to go from here? why aren't there signs to show me where i need to go?
despite it all, i am here. i am writing. i have writing inspiration. despite the depression, anxiety, perfectionism, OCD, and self-harm that try to haunt my life, here i am. i am alive. i am free. i am God's Beloved. i am persevering.
despite, despite, despite.
despite myself, here i am.
when will my world come together? i am torn down the middle and suspended in this limbo of not knowing where to go...
when will my heart, rent and divided as it is, finally mend and know true wholeness? or is it wishful thinking to believe that someday, my broken soul's pieces will all fall together...
today, i am alive.
alive and breathing.
everyday is a day of living, of discovering triumph, of making it through. and one day, life will be more than merely staying alive. it will be about tasting victory and living in freedom.
but today, i am alive. i am here. and this is progress.
alive.
the asthma of the soul constricts my lungs. everytime i try to take a breath, it pulls at my core, reminding me that i cannot do what it is i want to do.
this metaphorical ailment, it keeps me from doing the things i want to do. and i will never run again...
oh, who can rid me of my soul's illness?
there are two towers in my life. the tower of fear and the tower of freedom. i may choose to take refuge from either one.
my body hits the cold floor. this is the tower i have chosen. i will be locked here forever.
oh, help me, i am caught in the jaws of the tower, and i can never escape...
all around me, the sound of dripping.
help...
writing since 2012 · 7 entries · 6 days shown up
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the words cassandramorrow reaches for
toweralivedespitefearfreedomeitherrunhelptowersrefugecoldfloorchosensoul'slivingwriting