dalelee
We had no time, no hope, no road behind us only ahead. We had trust misguided misplaced or otherwise. It was time to strike.
In the words of Bob Dylan "things have changed". So I suppose I had better change with them or risk being left behind and appearing out of date and out of step. I'm just not there yet, so I'm going to adopt the philosophy of fake it til you make it. I'd better get a Logie for my performance.
I forget. I get so surrounded by the artficial environment and intent on my survival I forget the very thing that will help me endure: the world. The real world, the one I'm in when I'm not here. The world where I see sun & sky, and a friendly cat & dog, a bird or a butterfly.
Oh God, walls, walls, walls. There are so many of them. Dirty stained dull walls that sit just in front of my face day after day after day after week after year after year... ok , now just stop... but then there are the glass walls 25 or 26 floors up - they call them windows but they don't open which stops us throwing ourselves out of them when disillusionment threatens to swamp us. Most significant of all are the invisible walls, they separate us by who or what we are or aren't, what we do or don't know, who we know or not, and what we do or don't have. Damn the walls. I want sun and sky.
I dream of a wider world, deserts, beaches, rivers, of rocks, trees, grass and sky. I dream to feel the heat and the rain. I dream to smell sunshine, damp earth and campfires. I dream of the daily stunted orbits which take us away from each other to our worlds of toil becoming a vast orbit of shared adventures.
It's wasn't epic in any sense of the word: brief, hero-less; unachieving; dull; shallow; disappointing - yes. I imagine I will live on to battle another day but today I'm licking my wounds of defeat and drinking the bitter wine of discontent.
My vision of the walls in front me of fades in and out. Corporate workplace sounds buzz and dwindle. The slight stickiness of the desk on the skin of my forearms disspiates. My heart beats faintly and then recedes. Only my fingers tapping the keyboard continue to function.
I can't even win a chook raffle. Every Melbourne Cup I make a donation. I never bother with the pokies 'cause I know it's a lost cause. The bookies at the trots give me a wry smile but think I'm a joke with my $2 each way bets, and then I never win anyway. So what made me think to back myself and make a bet on my life? Despite the riding colours & numbers & omens being right the odds were stacked against me.
Oh yes, the obvious. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. Thank you John Lennon. I haven't even bothered to make plans and life just keeps happening to me. There's no rhyme or reason to it. What seems obvious & what I think will happen is dust and even the reality is smoke and mirrors.
Psst? Wanna buy a watch? Come down this alley way just a little. Sure they all work. Genuine. Look at this leather strap. Real leather. The mechanism on this model is to die for (oh well, the last owner did anyway...oops). What about this ladies jewel-face for your wife? No wife? Girlfriend surely? Your mother? Who knew I'd make a career out of becoming one of Fast Louie's best fences.
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