emlex04

emlex04

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She hoped that she would be able to count to a hundred one day. Then, she might be able to understand the enormity of it all and realise that a hundred may have been a million in another universe or nothing at all in a different world.

With every breath, she knew that time was running out. She knew that the staircase that she had been looking for would disappear. She knew that the place that she could only dream of was slowly fading away. So she breathed, and breathed, and wished for time to stop so she could finally see the sunlight. Inhale, exhale.

help

But no help ever came. She had to find it herself by jumping from rock to rock over rivers and running up sloping hills. And then, at the top, she'd be able to see everything and begin to understand how the world was made to nurture her, not destroy her,

The affairs were what stopped her from saying good bye. She'd seen what had happened, and she wanted to be there to stop it, stop it before there were more broken hearts than just her own.

Before was a whole different time for her. Before was when she could believe in his smile and before was when she had the heart to return that smile back. After was now and now was a time where smiles were hardly exchanged.

She didn't want to be afraid. But there was something about the world that put her off, something about how when she focused on one moment, she realised how small she was. The universe was bigger than her and would always be.

There were too many people around her for her to understand. The people were what delayed her and the people were what made her going. And when she stopped amongst the people, she felt so alone.

trial

The trials that faced her were what stopped her from continuing. They were what stopped her from tearing apart the girl they wanted her to be to the girl she really was. Instead, she walked away with the skin of another person wrapped around herself.

begin

She couldn't even begin to tell them what had happened. She knew that it would be better if she told them all of the story but she couldn't bear to part with the event that had made her who she was. She couldn't bear to let go of the one thing that seemed stable in her life, a memory of a time where the birds tweeted and the sun shone and a day could last forever.

Together. Together, the stars swirled together into an endless space which was dominated by their light. The planets joined hands and the moons stopped orbiting. The stars shone on, blinking in the darkness as the universe broke apart.

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writing since 2012 · 59 entries · 59 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means emlex showed up.

19longest streak

59days written

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on this day 14 years ago

emlex wrote about covered
“She covered herself with things she was not. She put layer upon layer on herself in the hopes of destroying the girl that she hated. But that girl was who she truly was. So while she flashed that fak…”

the words emlex reaches for

herselfsmileheartgirleyesunderstandlightfinallydifferentstophalfwrongrealisebeautifulnowloved