hotpinkhearse
I wanted something I couldn't have; that much was enough to make me crazy. But this wasn't normal, this was something almost primal. The taste of that burning fire down my throat. I stared at the walls of liqueur and the last three years of sobriety vanished behind the violent, pungent smells that shifted through the bar.
It was in that moment, I realized that nobody in this facility could be trusted. I passed the inmates at the poker table; they gave a passing glance to see if I had the gal to join their little game again. It wasn't that I didn't have the gal; I was just fed up with the bullshit. I sat down at a table by myself and began to stack the cards in an all too familiar way. As I began to carefully place black over red, red over black, it was clear that I made myself the target for A.B. for simply not buying in to their scheme.
It was like a shackle around my ankle. I was bound to it, like a prisoner. They lenched every dime from my wallet without thinking twice. My house was now a jail cell...and it would consume me...
She rummaged around, with a crooked walk, tripping over her own two feet. Her curly hair bounced back and fourth and her face was marked with pure confusion. I knew I was going to love her for the rest of my life.
"David...David, have you see my pen?"
I smiled from ear to ear.
"I looked everywhere, and I really like THIS particular pen."
She had looked everywhere. The desk, the book shelf, the drawers...
"Venus, look," I reached gently behind her ear and pulled out her PILOT G-2 07, "It evades you like an escape artist."
Her cheeks flushed.
"Thanks. I'd forgotten that I'd...I'd....Thank you."
The Roller Coaster attendant went to each cart making sure each belt was fastened and the overhead straps were securely fastened. But he walked right past mine. I thought perhaps he'd just been able to see that mine was set but as the coaster began to make it's slow climb, I realize how loose it is. And suddenly, my overhead lifts, as though the ride has come to a halt. I scream, begging them to stop because my straps have come free. But we're too high up. The other passengers start screaming with me, and they all look horrified. The man next to me tells me to lock my legs around his, fast, and to hold onto his overheads with all my might. We all feel like we're in hell, but as we peek at the tip of the drop point, I look outward at the spirals and spins and my guts began to wrench in complete horror...and nobody could possibly know hell the way I did.
I scooped her up in my arms and looked down at her matted face of toil. A kitten with only three legs, one eye, and no claws.
"How much do you want for her?"
"Eh? Oh. Um, she's pretty jacked up. Just take her, nobody else seems to want her."
Funny.
I'd heard that in regard to myself too often to count. But not today. Today, a pretty, green eye looked straight at my single brown eye, mirrored by an eye patch, and thought..."Hero."
And I looked back and thought...the exact same thing.
I spent hours working on it. A plan to destroy him by means of love. A disease implanted inside me. I sought him out and played the game like HE always did. It started with a few drinks, that look in his eye…his sideways smirk. Touching, leading to kissing, leading to bed. He’d get one night of pleasure, and in turn suffer a slow death; just like when I'd caught him with Aleena. All those nights I spent dying inside would become his every breath. As my cardiac system shut down, he put his hand on my shoulder.
“Shay, you look horrible.“
I laughed, sickly.
“Listen, I never met to hurt you.“
I laugh again, harder now.
I’m laughing because he’s next. Because he’s HIV positive. I’ll never get over what he did to me. But my suffering is almost over. And his cheeks have already sunken in…
I spent hours working on it. A plan to destroy her by means of love. A disease implanted inside me. I sought me out and played the game like HE always did. It started with a few drinks, that look in his eye...his sideways smirk. My knees would go weak, and he'd put his hands on my hips...I'd generated a revenge to kill me slowly - he'd get one night of pleasure, and in turn suffer every night I spent in pain. As my immune system shut down, he put his hand on my shoulder.
"Shay, you look horrible."
I laughed, sickly.
"Listen, I never met to hurt you."
I laugh again, harder now.
I'm laughing because he's next. Because he's HIV positive. I'll never get over what he did to me. But suffering is almost over. And his cheeks have already sunken in...
He looked at me. And I looked at her back through one eye, and a long barrel pointing to her: I have the power, I'm bigger than you, I'm at the top of this food chain.
"Beast!" My gun cried.
But as we stood, eye to eye, I saw that her glassy, frightened eyes. I lowered my gun. And I backed away slowly. Her massive body charged at me viciously and bellowed like a monster. I began to choke on my own heart in horror. I'd lowered my gun, I'd declare peace!
These were my last thoughts as a mighty mother tore into her son's dinner. I'd declared war on so many creatures...but putting the gun down meant vengeance. I'd become every dinner I'd ever eaten.
There was a certain bias attitude in the order she calls us out. A teacher. A faculty member, who should remain as Switzerland; neutral. Everyone should be beautiful, smart, intelligent, and unique in their own way. But her narrow eyes scanned the class with a sickening judgment, like an ancient, heartless god naming the higher ups in her kingdom. She called out the names of the cheerleaders, the otherwise beautiful girls, then the brainy beauties, the lean basketball players, the socially awkward but otherwise likable, and then, lastly me. The nave. The back of the room outcast. This was not Switzerland...this was a war zone. And able to take this no longer, my hand raised in defiance.
"I see what you're doing." I declared darkly, inhaling sharply to hold back my tears of shock and sadness.
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