jeran
The crisp autumn air is something I've always loved. It smells amazing, the freshness of the leaves as they turn to their golds and reds and oranges ... the startling cold that sets in when you least expect it, leaving the mark of coolness on your prickled skin.
We have quite opposite views on things. They say that love consists not in gazing at one another but in gazing outward in the same direction. I would say that our love consists in gazing to see completely different views but holding hands to let the other know we'll always be there to share the horizon with them.
I almost took that step forward. The one that would have allowed me to fall for you. To fall forward ... tumbling ... stumbling ... *looks down* hmm .. I don't much care for skinned knees. It's you who stopped me you know. Your distance that kept me from falling. Do you feel safer now?
Ahh the bliss of summer. Warm rays of sun, beaming down and making your skin feel tingly. The cool breezes and the loud, booming thunderstorms that only happen this time of year. I do love summer - until it gets too hot. Then I retreat away into the dark coolness of my home, closing away the heat with dark curtains, basking in the blast of my 75F degree air conditioning. Ahh summer, will you join us again soon?
I wake to the sound of your name. The thoughts that breeze across my brain are always of you, as my eyes open to the glaring sun, and as they close to the weeping moon. If only we could share night and day together - literally, the night, the day - the agony of you being in another world torments me in ways you can't imagine.
I've had days where I've felt like I've been run ragged. Those can be the best days, but more often, are the worst days. I'd like more good days of being run down in the best ways possible, as hard and as many times as you so desire.
There are many routes one can take in life, and yet, I fell all the routes I've taken have led me to you. It is because of the decisions I've made, the paths I have chosen, that I have found you. Had I not met L, had I not lost her - had I not become the woman I am today, I know I would not be the woman you need in your life, ready and able, willing to love you.
I was driving for a long time yesterday. Wishing the snow/rain/hell storm would stop already. Wishing the pain that was slowly making its way into my hips and up my back would back the hell off. Wishing I knew what your hair and skin smelled like as you lay against me. I had a lot on my mind while driving, I sure did.
I'd love to alter the circumstances that are my life. My pants are always too long - being 5' tall doesn't make for a promising situation when shopping for jeans. Of course, I'm too lazy to take them in and have them tailored. My current situation isn't one that I would like to be in, but at the same time, my apprehension about change makes it difficult to maneuver around it.
I remember the first sting of rejection. Telling a girl I liked her only to have her brush me off and walk away.
"You're just a child. You don't even know the difference."
I wonder what she would think of me now, some almost 20 years later. I wonder if I tracked her down, would she still think I'm a child? I'm sure I could handle the sting again much better than the first time.
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