katiebear4ever
every word is an opportunity to connect to you, yet squad has nothing to do with you. it reminds me when you were almost sent to military school, the nights where i would listen to sad music because of that, and when we rode quads over the frozen lake in your backyard.
truth squad, fighting liars and spreading the truth. don't lie, or they will find you. how can the truth squad function? do they ever lie?
let's do a scientific study about us: how much you mention me, how much i mention you. i'm pretty sure it'd be 1% to 99%. am i imagining this? am i important? do you remember anything, or have you blocked everything out, including me?
this is what's on my mind. because i don't know what's in the future. i don't believe you'll feel the same way. i'm desperately trying to avoid this, but it's out in the open. i have no idea what's going to happen. my chest caves in, my heart sinks. you with someone else- it's terrible. my stomach is being gnawed away, my heart beating fast. i'm not hungry most of the time. what is happening?
we're not close anymore. it's weird seeing you. i think i loved you. you're so messed up now, but i can't do anything to help. it fell apart, and this was never stable. i hope you stay healthy, i'm concerned. you were the first, and will always mean something to me.
it's ridiculous, i barely even know you. i'm fighting for you, and it's weird. you know i like you. i miss seeing you everyday, without you it's strange. this is what i constantly feel, wishing i could be close with you emotionally and physically. i miss you.
it has never been stable, and it never will be. talking to each other one minute, laying on the ground and giggling. the next is us becoming angry and hostile. and then when we get back home, we ignore each other and look the other way when we see each other. we're falling apart, but i miss you.
All around me, my life is the same setting as other people, until I travel the world. Then I see new, exciting places, and learn history without it being boring. I love France and Belgium, since they're charming, small, and beautiful people live there.
half of me will never forget you. always underneath, i will remember you. the other half is trying to forget. even though everyone else wants me to.. i can't see myself with anyone else. more than half of my life i have know you.
writing since 2011 · 12 entries · 8 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Katie showed up.
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the words Katie reaches for
halfforgettryingcastlemissclosetruthsquadremindsremembermindstableangryapartfightingweird