ohstanley

ohstanley

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Louis read a book and put it down, a different person now. He decided he would do things for himself from now on. He decided he would stop taking orders. It started with him rejecting breakfast, then picking out his own clothes, and eventually even hatching a plan to leave the compound. He got one of his closest friends, Josephine, to help coordinate the breakout. He loved her. But Josephine hadn't read Louis' book. And since no one was allowed to leave the compound, she betrayed Louis in order to secure a better life for herself on the inside. I bet you thought this was Louis' story, but its not. Louis is dead now. This is a story about Josephine.

"youre the only thing keeping me sane right now. all this time I was assuming the universe was aligning as it should, but now everythings fucked. i love you. thank you for listening and for just being here." my breath puffs out in streaks of white and we just hold onto each other. standing on the sidewalk, wearing our giant winter coats, and me hugging you with this deathgrip...we probably look really stupid to other people walking by, but I don't care. and you don't care either, and I love you for that, and for so many things. i don't think you understand, but you accept it. you breathe softly into my neck and for the moment everything is ok.

aura

Aura. Running down streets with her long white hair and bare feet, pretty like a ballerina. Chooses her victims based on their mood. If they are sad she will take them home and mercifully end their sadness. Falling a little in love with each one.

If you can't justify your behavior to yourself, but you continue along the path you are on--that is psychopathic behavior. Killing people is psychopathic behavior. I've been reading alot about the prefrontal cortex, dysfunctional amygdalas and the temporal cortex and

Regardless of whatever todays word is i just need to write that ive been having a lot of nightmares and body horror dreams lately and that sometimes it takes me a few hours to really let those images and feelings go. I think maybe its due to the fact that im in the middle of tryin to move/figure out what my future is going to be and these are very scary things for me. Im very comfortable in my life right now, but i know that has to stop in order for me to progress as a human being. That said, this is lame.

aleins being rocketed down to earth. opening their little shells and podthings and looking out at the new world. cant help it, im seeing man of steel again tomorrow. ughhhhh.

i was really strung out. my mascara was smudged....making a raccoon mask around my eyes. i had one, bent cigarette left and as i lit it i noticed a man staring at me.

wrath

I don't let myself talk about it. I try to keep it wrapped up inside, but sometimes it leaks out of my pores like sweat. Sometimes i can't let it go, because it feels like the oxygen i need to breath, or the food i need to eat, or the drug i need in inject in my veins.

i don't know. the sanctity of...something in your eyes. something in your innocence, something i don't want to break, let loose, set free, wreak havoc on the world. just do me a favor and stay a child.

part of my job is binding evil things. i put them inside cupboards, or metal boxes that i sink into the ocean. there is a special way of doing this. a spell you say once the thing is trapped, and then no matter where you put it, it can never get out again.

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writing since 2011 · 69 entries · 68 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Buttxheeks showed up.

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on this day 15 years ago

Buttxheeks wrote about force
“the wind forced me down the road to your house. and i stood there afraid to go in. so many things i wanted to tell you, a long time ago. and now, who are you to me? I think i may have made things dif…”

the words Buttxheeks reaches for

nowwhitehairairhomehouseloveskinsateyesbookbeautifulalonefinallylightblue