poppy904
Over time you weather away, your core, your very center is rubbed away at the edges, by pain and loss and fear and even love, you are chipped away until all that's left is sediment
Dull and unwashed
Grungy and oily, like the slick floor of a sewer
And familiar
A feeling of slight discomfort you resign yourself to
Because there is nothing you can do about it
Now
I love you
Or something
It doesn't bother me
It's fine
No worries
Of course not
I can't wait
Forever
Always
...
Or not
With love and hope
And love and happiness
And love, love, love above all
I feel my heart, my very soul swell
Reaching to meet you and thank you
lies, always lying
A slip of the tongue or a pretty word to get your way
People pleasing, saying what you think they want to hear
And never knowing what you really think
Or want
Or believe
Determined to smile
To laugh, to sing, to jump
Determined to see beauty
to see grace, to see joy, to see love
Determined to forgive
to remember, to care, to love
Determine to live
Things change and people change and everything changes
And in the past you'd never think that you'd end up how you are now
Ruined and broken and confiding in a single person
A person you don't even know
In the past you were happy
No more
Running haphazardly through winding streets and passageways
Working tirelessly, trying so hard
To make everything better, to make it
Okay. Nothing is okay anymore.
Measured in tears
In drops of red and scattered shinings
In convulsions and things thrown
Measured in pounds and apathy and hatred
The units of sadness
small and short
but infinite
not steep but somehow painful
burning as you continue to climb
never-ending
when will I reach the top
will I ever reach the top?
seizing up, gasping for breath
a stitch in your side and a pounding in your skull
one more step
and another
another
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writing since 2012 · 15 entries · 15 days shown up
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