sarahmarie
i'm fairly local,
i've been around,
i've walked with you down these streets and i'm lucky to hold your hand and i don't want to let go yet.
this is surreal.
i am aching because i have nothing to say about a grandfather,
only a pop-pop who i haven't seen in over two years because my grown up life is far too busy to make time for my family that fell away when you died
i've got a truck for the weekend and i'm lying in its bed,
staring up at the cloudless sky and wishing you were next to me
to help me count the stars.
i wish you'd had a camera to capture the look in my eyes as i stood on the precipice.
i'd have liked to have seen a hint of bravery.
i am not ready for departure but i'm going anyway.
daily i am reminded of god's grace,
and i show it to others
but daily, i must remind myself that i need to show this grace to myself.
i am so unbelievably enough.
am i too overt with you?
or am i really being honest?
why do we live in a world where it's unacceptable to express how we feel?
i am no longer considered an adolescent
but when i look in the mirror
i don't see an adult
and when i'm forced to look inside myself
i don't feel grown enough to take on the world
i called the drug dealer yesterday
to see if there was a return policy on you
and to see if there was a cure for the side effects you left on my heart
i have witnessed my own destruction
i have seen my body fall to the floor, in pieces
but then i watched myself get back up again.
i have found my voice.
you would have looked so handsome standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for me. your bowtie would have been white.
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