anton6

anton6

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crisp

As I walked out of the dirty cellar the cool crisp air hit my face like a thin razorblade. I took a deep breath and started walking. Noone around. Deserted streets, a mirror of my deserted mind, empty and alone.

study

I love studying! I study for knowledge, self growth and helping myself learn all that there is! Wish I could get paid for studying...

It it wasn't for them I would not be here. I would not be standing tall and strong and be able to retain the strength of my convictions. Even in this god forsaken planet their support has been immense.

iron

He always did like he always had done. Rule people with an iron fist, not understanding that this was bringing him more strife than good. Eventually, one day, he will understand, the hard way. The not so pain free way.

bulb

It was almost like a lightbulb went off and lighted my brain. I had been cheated, I had been betrayed. My loyalty, my love, totally misplaced. And now it was up to me to decide what to make of it.

level

But then I thought what if this is just some crazy illusion? If it wasn't, I was now involved at an emotional level which was more than what I really wanted to give. After all, do vampires really exist?

ill

And whilst I was trying to make sense of the darkness around me I felt violently ill. I vomited there and then, all hope abandoning me whilst splattered on the pavement, may be it was time for me to tell the truth.

And then this sick feeling washed over me, my insides turned to jelly, what if?...And then it just happened, I was blind. Blind as I could not see, just darkness. Fear, sudden and violent, I was afraid.

...the fact that I was not able to shout out my frustration and sense of abandonment to anyone. Oh God! I wish I could! I felt tired, sad and betrayed...As loud as I could, shout it into a megaphone even for all to hear. But no I couldn't...so I kept walking.

And there was no next. The world was like a void, empty and dark. I, the trophy for a lost battle. As I was walking I started to regret...

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writing since 2011 · 92 entries · 92 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Anton showed up.

12longest streak

92days written

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on this day 15 years ago

Anton wrote about bulb
“It was almost like a lightbulb went off and lighted my brain. I had been cheated, I had been betrayed. My loyalty, my love, totally misplaced. And now it was up to me to decide what to make of it.”

the words Anton reaches for

drakenowfacewalkeddarkdooreyeswalkingbeautifulhousefinallyemptycoldfeelinglovealone