ashkuz

ashkuz

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knows

You wonder if he knows that last night when you were intimate with him,it was his younger brother you were fantasizing about. You wonder if he knows that when he kisses you,you feel nothing,not a spark or wisp of smoke just numbness. You wonder if he knows that deep down in the very core of your soul you wouldn't care if he dropped dead; in fact you wonder if he knows that his sudden death wouldn't fill with sadness but with a sense of relief that finally you no longer have to be in fairytale with Prince Charming when really all you are is a the cold witch with no desire for love but a deep lust for power and wealth.

five

They were five and six year olds that were killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School. It happened in another country,beyond the border in a state I know little of and yet it feels so close to home as if they were executed right at my doorstep,their innocent blood splattering on me. No matter how much I try to not meditate on their young lives ending so suddenly and tragically it's as if I'm Lady Macbeth unable to wash away their blood from my memory. I don't want to know about the murderer because to me he is soulless,dark creature who has taken away light from our world. His actions will haunt me and a plethora of other people. I have a little six year old sister and although reasoning tells me she was well out of harm's way,my heart wails it could've been her shot at close range,dying on the spot and it makes me cry.When I leave her to board the school bus I think of Sandy Hook Elementary school and I fight back tears as I walk back home. My prayers are with you Connecticut. I pray that everyone who lost someone on that dark day will find the strength to carry on because I can only imagine the heartache and melancoly I that must be plaguing you. I pray that you remember the love,joy and laughter that was shared between you and your loved one and that you continue to spread and grow their young legacies. I pray that you all live your lives fuller,bolder,better because our time here is not guaranteed..... And I pray that those who need help with their mental illnesses reach out so that this tragedy is not repeated. You are not alone,they are people who care for your wellbeing, do not let fear or whatever stigmas stymie you from doing the right thing.

Yes she was single but that didn't mean that she was available. She was her own priority. She was her own soul mate and she had had to learn this the hard way. No good came from loving a man, you gave and gave and gave pieces of yourself away until you no longer possessed any piece of yourself. Then when you are fully invested lot and behold you're discarded like yesterday's newspaper, all your sides revealed and read, all your folds explored and then suddenly you're no longer relevant or required and you're left in a little heap

Our love will elevate was and take us even higher. Our love will keep us warm like a roaring fire. Our love will engulf us in passionate desire. And then it will die down and you will tire. Of my sight and then you my dear sire. Will leave me and go quest to aquire. Another naive,sad "Love" buyer' But I know you're a liar. Just like Quagmire. Damn satire.

both

Both of them felt lost without the other but there was no going back to what used to be. Too many hurtful words had been exchanged with venomous expressions imprinted across their visages and hurled objects thrown by the female with all the might she could muster in her drunken rage. Their enthused slurs had been overheard three floors down and six doors across and a temporary silence had resumed after the male's cheek had been gashed by a glass ornament thrown by the female and a finalising door slam had ensued. The eery silence had lasted no longer than thirty one seconds when a howling, heart aching cry had erupted from the female's soul, out through her mouth and into every crevice in that apartment building and overflowed out into the streets ; searching for the male soul's ears. But he did not hear the female. And he did not return. And for the next three years although her mouth rarely made any sounds or syllables her soul continued it'

under

She was under the weather that morning and her body reflected her inner turmoil as vividly as the red blood drops that speckled the white snow she was shuffling away from. She felt her soul had withered away and disentegrated into dust and that a digusted gust of wind had blown her filthy remains away and the whole world had rejoiced at being clean again. She was now just a hollow carcus walking away like nothing had happened because she was nothing herself.

Did I mention I'm crazy about you?

She is the breeze that cools you on a hot day,she is the beverage you crave ,the air you need,the ground that matches you step for step..she is the woman I want to be,the woman I long to be..

steps

She steps on hearts and stamps her reign on the men she loves (but only physically of course) and leaves their hearts broken(but only emotionally of course)...and once again the student surpasses the teacher...

signs

There had been signs everywhere but they were young , free and careless; rebels without a cause or a pause, they had no time to read let alone read signs when they were moving at the speed of a blur into the ink black night. Headlights were for pussies and although they had their fair share of beautiful young pussy they were not that.

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writing since 2012 · 42 entries · 42 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Leighsha showed up.

5longest streak

42days written

1.2entries / week

on this day 14 years ago

Leighsha wrote about comfort
“The comfort of your words was all I ever yearned for.To know you were pleased with me was the by far the biggest concern for me.But you never cared for me, you never comforted me and worst of all you…”

the words Leighsha reaches for

rattlebodylovesoulnowheartlipsblooddespiteredeyeslightbeautifulcarehelpyoung