ashley4ashley
He was chewing. Chewing, chewing, all the chewing and smacking. The sound of the swallow. The gulping.The salad, the chips. With every crunch her anger rose until she reached the point of rage. "Do you have to eat like that?" she blurted. He looked up at her. "I'm sorry," she said, "Its just so disgusting." Eating dinner together at the table was a terrible idea. After all the complaining she did, they were finally eating at the table and all she could think about was turning on the TV to mask the sounds that made her feel disgust towards her husband.
He just stared at her.
"What?" she said. "Misophonia is a real thing."
Wow. Rage is tough. Its a difficult place to be. You cannot reason with rage. Its so encompassing that everything else disappears and all you have is that feeling. Then - you make the stab and when it leaves, you're left with the hole.
Well, my passport is expired. I told my husband I would renew it. I haven't. It just hasn't come up. I hope he doesn't invite me abroad. That would be sad. Honestly, its in my desk drawer looking at me. I should probably get the done I guess. Do you ever get that feeling after saying something, that you need to let the listener know you aren't on drugs? I feel like that now.
Onward - always followed by upward. I really need to remember to look upward. I have been thinking about the meaning of life - or how I should be spending my life to give it meaning. I wonder how much I will continue to change. From learning, to work, to husbands, to kids and parents. My purpose is so different now.
Oh timing is everything. Asking for more money at work, asking for less hours, trying to keep the house clean, trying to just get you life together. Timing. So difficult to get right - there is so little time anyway! The time is now to make some decisions. So I guess I better do that.
I remember one time, I went to a store that sold crystals to help you with various ailments. I really go out of my way to do anything to "cure" my anxiety, my doubt, my worry. I wonder if taking action could help? I have all these fears that I can't breathe or move. Those crystals - I don't think they helped.
writing since 2016 · 6 entries · 4 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means ashley4ashley showed up.
1longest streak
4days written
0.4entries / week
the words ashley4ashley reaches for
chewingnowrageremembercrystalshelpwondertimingaskingworktryingdifficultguessupwardmeaninghusband