broookielynn617
I think that love is odd.
I mean, if you actually think about it, being attracted to someone is so...odd. And liking them A LOT is odd. Especially if you are a girl. Who likes another girl. I feel odd whenever she is around me, even though she knows I'm gay.
Although, she doesn't know I like her. A lot.
I wish I could tell her that I liked her, without it being awkward or anything. :(
Why can't I just kiss her? It would be wonderfully odd.
Odd.
Odd.
Odd is a funny word.
#End_Rant
I wish I could scream into a megaphone. I would tell everyone my secret. I would scream, "I am gay."
Then I would run away.
Predict...I wish I could predict the events that would lead up to our amazing first kiss. You and I would be walking through the college campus on a rather cold September Saturday afternoon. We just left starbucks and you were wearing your trench coat and holding my hand while sipping on hot chocolate. Your brilliant red hair stood out against the warm colours of the changing leafs. I complimented your beauty. You smiled and returned the compliment. You and I were walking down a beautiful pathway. Orange, Red, and Yellow leafs covered the sidewalk and the architectural structures had ivy growing along it. Then suddenly, you stopped. You set your hot chocolate on the fountain and then took my hot chocolate away from my hands. Why are you doing this? My heart started to race while you set my Starbucks beside yours. You looked at me and did my favourtie quirky smile of yours. I placed my arms on your waist and you wrapped yours around my neck. We held each other that way for what felt like an eternity. I felt your warm breath on my neck and I could feel your heart pounding against your chest. I wondered what was wrong as you pulled away from our embrace. We stared into each others eyes and then you smiled and started to come forwards a little. I had no clue what you were doing, until you closed yours eyes. I was thinking, oh my god, what do I do? I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the left a little and then I felt it. Our lips touched. Your lips felt so cool against mine. It was...incredible. We stayed that way for a while. Having you in that position made my head spin. I never thought we were going to kiss. As you pulled away, your eyes were still closed and you had the biggest smile I had ever seen. You put your head underneath my chin and you told me that you loved me. Of course, I responded with the "I love you, too" phrase. But I am not quite sure if you will ever comprehend how much I actually love you. I have never felt a love so deep for anyone before.
And that is what would happen...if only you were gay.
I miss the way your hold me. I love being in your arms, even if it just a hug. Right...just a hug. The feelings I get from being in this secret one-sided love feels like I am on pure ecstasy. You make me feel like I am going to pass out whenever I am being held in your arms. Why must you smell so amazing. Seconds that go by feel like minutes. Why are you still holding me? I try breaking the hug, but you only hold me tighter. Why are you doing this? You know I am gay, yet you hug me so amazingly. I have never wanted anyone more than you. Just you. Along with all the other people in the world (inside jokes are great) What must I do in order to capture your love...even if we are both girls?
How does one write about this word? I think you are perfectly fine? Or I love how your hand fits perfectly in mine?
Does it have to rhyme? Or can we just go with the flow? Like, I love when we hug, our bodies fit perfectly together? 'Tis true, but it does sound rather awkward. My dog is currently whimpering because he cannot get on my bed, which I think it is perfectly fine. Maybe tonight I may sleep just fine.
I suck at writing :D
Discover with me a world of new territory. Something neither you or I have experienced. Discover that feeling when we touch, or gaze upon each others eyes. Discover how amazing we could be for each other. Discover with me, that feeling you get when we write to each other. Discover with me, with your hand in mine, what we could do with each other. :)
Fiction, fiction, fiction. That word describes my thoughts, I live an imaginary life. I think and think and think about events that I know for a fact that will never happen. What should I do about this? Most of these thoughts include you, because you are the center of my universe. Why, why, why can't I have you? Why must you be a fictional fantasy in my head? I have so many plans for us, and you sit there...clueless. You looked at me today, it made me feel so good on the inside....but why do I think such odd thoughts about you? I mean, you are a girl, I am a girl...yet, these thoughts are thoughts I have never ever thought I would think...about a girl. But, I want you so bad, and oh...you just do not know. Especially about the fictional fantasy in my mind.
Today was successful. Why you ask? Imagine seeing the person you are practically in love with, even though they do not know. Yeah, that happened to me today. I saw her in a bookstore...my heart was racing, I had no clue what to do or say. So, I texted her, and we met up. We ended up stalking each other...it was really cute, I am so crazy in love with her. And before I left, she even gave me a hug!! Oh the things she does to me and doesn't even realize it. What an amazingly, successful day...
I wonder if you have ever noticed, how much I absolutely adore you. Your smile, your eyes, your laugh, your personality! You are truly incredible. Really, I wonder how much you notice me. I wonder if you have ever noticed how much we look at each other. I wonder if you know how much I am in love with you. I wonder if you have noticed that I am a lesbian.
writing since 2011 · 10 entries · 9 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Brookelynn showed up.
3longest streak
9days written
0.2entries / week
the words Brookelynn reaches for
loveoddeyeshugwonderthoughtsgirldiscoverheartheadperfectlygaynoticenoticedsmilefiction