dandyjams
I used to kill ants upon the sight of them. Then I became a Buddhist. I have come to believe that no creature, even an ant, should be killed, especially with no purpose for it. I used to be an after school care worker and I would get very peeved at the kids for killing ants...Every thing deserves to live.
Today I am giving myself the chance to make myself a better person, to live to my full potential, and to take care of myself. I am letting this be the day that I fully let myself take care of myself, and most importantly, let myself be vulnerable, if I don't know what I should say, so what, if I feel awkward, so what. I have to give myself permission to just be. I have too much anxiety rolling around in my brain. It's an awful way to live sometimes. But hopefully I can keep hoping and make things different. I'm giving myself the chance. Permission.
There are a lot of deer sightings in Florida, and up where my aunt lives in New York too. My aunt's boyfriend hunts deer for fun. I don't see the necessity in killing animals; I believe it is extremely cruel and wrong, however, I still like her boyfriend, he's a nice guy...but seeing him carry in a dead deer was not very fun.
Succeeding is different for different people; there is no way to succeed ultimately. Some say succeeding involves a good job and a nice house; that is just the American way. Think about ways that other cultures view success. It may open your eyes a bit.
My grandma always head thread around, working on sewing projects and whatnot. I don't think I am a very "crafty" person myself. My grandma wants to give me a brand new sewing machine, and I really want to be able to use it, but I don't even know if I can. I've already failed in crocheting and been pretty crappy at other various craft projects, but maybe I could actually get sewing. I doubt it at the start because I am not math minded or good with my hands. But maybe, just maybe, it'll work out. I'm taking the sewing machine definitely.
The song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five is pretty sad. It's about a girl getting an abortion and keeping it a secret from the boyfriend's perspective. The last few lines are "She broke down, and I broke down, cause I was tired of lying". What a huge thing to have to hide from your family. That song has made me cry before. Anyone heard it? I think I kind of flock to sad, depressing songs sometimes. Eh, thats me.
I love to paint oil on canvas. My parents bought me an easel and some canvases for my birthday, my 16th birthday, the year that Hurricane Charley came and wiped out almost everything near my house, the power was out, there was nothing to do except paint, and painting wasn't bad, that and I was going to be able to go out to dinner for my birthday: My parents found a great place that still had power...
I used to collect keychains. I didn't even have a car. Just the idea of having lots of keychains to choose from when I did have a car was exciting. I remember I used to like the "#1" shaped keychains the best, they were rubbery and bright and interesting.
A park bench. A work bench. Bench warmers. These are different things that come to mind for me when I see the word bench. I like to imagine park benches mostly; beautiful works of wood in the middle of a scene of flowers and shrubs. That's how I like to think of benches.
I love mangoes. The word mango is delicious, just like the fruit. I could say mango a million times and not get sick of it. It evokes feelings of exotic heat. Only a mango's juicy flesh could quench the thirst that comes from such heat. I think of my home state of Florida when I think of mangoes because I think of how many times mangoes have cooled me off in the Florida swamp-ness.
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