jesskidding
At peace, at rest.
Night time murmurs,
and a soft caress.
His familiar fragrance wafted towards me sparking memories that had long been buried beneath my new experiences. It's funny how our sense of smell works, isn't it? One smell, one familiar odor, can spark so many different emotions. I've never enjoyed the smell of cigarettes but with the smell comes a series of memories that I wouldn't trade for the world.
I saw the tell-tale pink blotches of embarrassment appear on her cheeks as everyone turned to stare at her. She was the type of girl that was scared to stand in front of a group of people. She was the type of girl who stayed silent because she didn't like to be noticed.
She was invisible, and she loved it.
It's easy to just let words fly out of my mouth, but have you ever noticed how difficult it is to phrase something perfectly? It's so hard to find the right words to explain some things.
I don't really understand how to put my feelings down into words. Is there a good enough phrase to describe how you make me feel?
You infuriate me but I love you.
My temper flared and I struck the table with my fist.
"Are you trying to tell me that everything that I have fought for, everything that I believed in, everything that I wished so hard for has gone down the drain?" my voice quivered with anger, "Are you trying to tell me that despite everything that I've done for the two of us, you're giving up?"
He stood to the side staring calmly at me.
"I'm trying to tell you that there is no us. I'm trying to tell you that we can still be friends at the end of this if you just try and let go."
"Damn you to hell. You gave me these false hopes. You made me fight so hard for us. You convinced me that I loved you despite the fact that you've hurt me so many times," at this point I had tears streaming down my cheeks, "You told me that you loved me and that you would never hurt me on purpose."
"I wasn't lying."
"Then what the fuck do you think you're doing right now! If you would never hurt me on purpose then what the fuck are you doing now? Do you know how much my heart hurts?" I took in a deep breath, "Do you know how hard it is to breathe?"
"I know this is hard for you."
"You have no fucking clue how hard this is for me."
He really didn't have the slightest clue.
Travelling by public transport has always been intriguing to me. We're usually sitting amongst strangers and yet, how often do we just pass them by? Sometimes I sit and wonder what their lives are like, what they're thinking of, and what they're worrying about. I realize that we're all in such a hurry to get to our a destination. We're so focused on getting to where we're going that we don't really take the time to take in our surroundings.
Is there a way for me to just diagram out my life? if I could have a blueprint of every single nook and corner that I'll turn wouldn't that just be amazing? We have diagrams for so many things and they help us put our thoughts in order. Do you think maybe we could have one huge diagram to just put our lives in order? I think that'd be a good idea...
writing since 2010 · 14 entries · 13 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Jessica showed up.
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the words Jessica reaches for
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