laurao
It's is my dream to be able to soar... soar without looking down, without wondering if I'm going to fall, or even if that first step off of the cliff will be my last and I'll fall down flat on the ground, crushing every hope that I've had.
Esther reminded me of the conversation we had when I was doing my FS inventory, and she was my sponsor. Not conversation, really, but a guided vision.
What is Jesus doing? What is he showing you? What do you see?
I s my self falling backward into a cocoon... a pea pod, if you will. Surrounded by His warm and comforting love.
My mistakes, pauses & inconsistencies are pressing down up on me like a comforter that's 10 times too heavy.
Weighted down, I search for the way out. Why is this thing so big? Why can't I find an edge, an escape?
I regret so many things, I realize... and this comforter of my own choosing is suffocating me. Where is the way out?
There's nothing like the mercy of God. Nothing like what he offers.
Nothing like knowing that if I care for others, the way he cares for me, I will make a HUGE difference in their lives. Simply by offering them understanding, forgiveness, a second chance - mercy.
It's what I have received, and continue to receive time and time again from God, from my husband, from my mother & from my faithful friends. I can and will offer it to others, every day, for the rest of my life.
There's nothing I can do without support. I've learned that now. It took a long, long time to get it through my thick, independent, and yet timid head... but it's so very true. I NEED love. I need encouragement. I NEED someone telling me when I've got it wrong. And more than anything I need someone to tell me that when I mess up... they'll still be there to love me.
The sunset was a beautiful golden colour... but all that did was accentuate the pain that I was feeling. Loss. Aching... loss, creating a hole that could never, would never be filled.
And all too soon, the golden sun dipped below the horizon, causing me to shiver, and feel more alone than I had in such a long time.
The beauty that I couldn't even feel... was now gone. The dream that I barely dared to acknowledge was now finally over. And nothing was left but my own devestated heart, and the all-too-fmailiar awareness that tomorrow would come. And another tomorrow, and another tomorrow, and I was still lost, left without the one thing that I had longed for... that was never to come.