windy9
I see your face behind my eyes, I find myself sleeping and blinking too often and for too long just so I can see you. I aimlessly wander down strange halls in my dreams battling strange obstacles just so I can get to you. Your arms are the only place I want to be and your chest is the only place I want to rest my head. Your heart beat and mine, the sweet sound of our breath, the airy harmonies of our laughing our sighing our love making is the only sweet symphony I want to hear for the rest of my life. Each thought of you gets caught in my throat. Each thought of you makes it harder to breath. When I get to see you and feel you and hear you my breath returns like a waterfall. I melt into you. I am yours forever.
I want to bury my heart in the earth.
"Let us combine like water and sand, let us meet the air, like drops of rain. And bring us together, once again." Carly Simon
I want to combine words and ideas together to create an explosion of truth and emotion. I want to take all that is in my soul and paint it with pen on paper and create a masterpiece to speak to everyone as a whole. I want it to be dramatic and calm, I want it to be ridiculous and serious, I want each sentence to bring tears and laughter. I want to write the travesty that is this one wild life that we are each given. I want each word and the sounds they make with the other words to ring vibrations of the truest truth that speaks of love and uncertainty or weaknesses and insecurities. I want it to speak of quirks and hardships and heart-ships and death. I want it to be humorous and ridiculous. I want it to cathartic. I want it to be me. I want it to be you. The proverbial "you" whom I alway refer. You. The one I love. Me. Us. Combined. Our stories our lives our hearts out minds our bodies. Us. Combined. Truely and forever. I want to write us.
I am a hundreds of years old. My muscles have become hard and brittle, adhered together. I have lived lives... generations of lives. My mind has been broken billions of times to the point of extreme aloofness. I have loved hundreds of times, and I suppose we choose the loves we think we deserve because the love I have felt over the hundreds of years of my existence has never been reciprocated.
I wish I had a hundred dollars.
The many states of my breath are all related back to you. Sharp, quick inhale when I hear your voice, when I know you don't love me, when I sense something that reminds me of you. I smell you everywhere. Deep relaxing belly breaths when I am resting in your arms after so much love making that I feel so torn apart, so blissfully exhausted, when I know you do love me, when you want me, when you need me. I breathe only for you, I breathe only because of you. You are my air, earth, fire. You are my spaces inbetween.
I love you like I loved you before. Nothing in this life will ever change that. In your eyes I see the safety and love and family that could be. I love you for all that you are, I accept, appreciate, cherish everything that you are. I want to be one with you. I would give up everything in my life to have you. Love me like you have loved me before.
People are the action figures of God's play ground
Some of them go "Pew pew pew" at others and shoot them down
Some of the lucky ones fall in love with each other and have it all
Some of them get lost at the bottom of the sandbox and have lonely hearts
Some of them get thrown off of the jungle gym, the lucky ones have tissue parachutes
Some of them get thrown together with the troops and go to war
Some of them are "more important" than the others and rule the land
God kills off some of them and buries them in the lawn
Some of them in the lawn are dug up and reincarnated
Some of them God confides in and they spread the word
Some of them God hums to while he plays with them and they bring music to the land
Some of them take the beating on a bad day and they are the crazy ones
Some of them get left out in the rain and they are the sad ones
Some of them God loves too much so he takes them away from the rest and puts them on a shelf
Some of them God didn't love enough and put them through hell and they are the suicidal ones
Some of them are fragile porcelain dolls and are easily broken
Some of them are hard metal
Some of them are rocks and islands
Some of them are matches and light up the world for a brief moment before they are gone
Some of them are made of rubber and no matter how hard He tries to bend them and break them, they won't budge
Some of them get played with more than others,
These ones get shot
They get stabbed
They break down
God builds them back up with spare parts
They love
They lose
They die
They are revived
They get sent to war
They go through hell
They break down
God wonders why they break down
...He keeps playing and playing and playing
Until they give up
People are God's action figures...
I have claimed my body mind and spirit as my own. I have claimed my love for you as true. I have claimed this time as real and right.
Despite what you put me through, despite the pain, the heart ache, the suffering, despite the fact that I despise myself now. You have not defeated me. What you took from me that night, the way you stole away what you wanted with no regard for me was terrifying but you have not defeated me, oh no. I will never let this go, I will never give this up, and I will never let that happen again. In spite of you, I am stronger. Despite everything, despite that night, despite you, I am okay. I feel bad for you, the man, the body thief, thinking you can take what you don't deserve, you're the one who has to live with that for the rest of your life.
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writing since 2012 · 14 entries · 13 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Windy showed up.
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the words Windy reaches for
lovebreakgodrestheartbreathdespiteonesmindhardanotherlovedmattermiracleeyesnight