astor3th
"It's your fault"- they kept saying. I wish I could silence them, shut my brain down and never hear from them again. But I'm afraid I'll may be weak without them and there's no one else to blame but me.
"You're getting worse" - she said. At that point I didn't understand why I was still there with her, sitting on that chair, watching her scribbling my thoughts on a piece of paper.
I've read a lot of books, I should know it by now. That feeling you get when you're about to fall. That sensation when you're going through something new. At least I know, I've read it in books.
I've been waiting for something more. Something that makes me feel proud and that will take me to a higher level. I'm stuck here, stuck in the abyss.
My head hasn't been mine from a long time now. I think, think and think... I only think about all I've missed and I think about your empty eyes. Once so powerful, you fooled me into decadence and now I'm here, lost. Lost inside me, but where actually? I want to care but I don't and I can't say I'm sorry enough.
Will I be able to escape this horrible nightmare? Have I been this bad? I know only one thing, I can't say I regret what I've done and I know all the consequences.
I'm keen on get loose and be free. Nowadays it seems so difficult to be ourselves, as if we care so much of how people sees us when we are just trying to live and let live.
Today I feel weird, as if the wind just stopped blowing. My mind is completely out of my body, she tells me not to freak out but, I can't help to feel disappointed. I'm keen on forget her and not let this build up inside of me, but at the precise moment I decide to forget her and move on, she magically reappears in my life once again, to fuck everything up, again and again. Somehow, I just can't stop thinking about her.
That town that I used to call my home is no longer there since you left us.
I think I won't be able to forget that night. I don't know how you felt but I was extremely happy, even though, we were just saying goodbye. I still remember your smile while you were looking at me, our lack of breath and those gentle drops of sweat running down your back.
writing since 2012 · 10 entries · 9 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Nath showed up.
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the words Nath reaches for
forgetnowablesayingkeeninsidecareliveloststuckreadbooksnightextremelyhappygoodbye