blacklight58

blacklight58

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fantastic job, wheeling through the fantastic heartbreak we accomplished together. i yell to you, you scream at me, our fists swing at phantoms we substitute for ourselves. we will cherish this hell for the rest of our lives. i will cherish this place for the rest our lives.

moon, a song by bjork, gave me some new thoughts about failing. i wasn't ready to hear until after the biggest failure of my life. big failures mean you're chasing big dreams, and you must keep trying and failing, and you will get there. failing is just fine when you're able to accept it and still keep your primary focus on success!

well duh it's the horizons. look at any of the other entries around here. lately i feel pain as my horizons broaden. i'm a virgin to this extreme value fulfillment. go to sleep, wake up and try again. go to sleep again.

my hope is that everyone saw this one word prompt and thought to write, 'my fears are unfounded.' that's certainly the first thing i thought. also, my belief in an intensely difficult existence in order to achieve my improbable desires is unfounded. let's get easy.

life is a strange touch, the way my soul skates across the surface of the physical - one little moment of tangential touch before i shoot on to somewhere, and the world curves on to somewhere else, and the way we both come out a little disfigured after.

i take a vista-view, i climb high to make sure my dreams stay within sight, stay within my memory... then i climb back down and dig the earth, and it's good, because my mind is staying focused on the prize, and that focus sends life into everything i do.

while i slept this morning, and woke up, and slept more, and woke up, and decided to sleep a little more, i made sure to instill each waking moment with a nice feeling, or a nice thought. i knew i was building up my well-being for the day in those formative morning moments. so far it's been a pretty good day.

cake

stale cake, chocolate cake, strawberry shortcake. i remember seeing Cake live; it was one of the worst concerts in my experience. a dear friend actually just got hired as a cake decorator. she's really happy about it, maybe i should buy one from her someday.

i want to go see lorde in october in berkeley, but i'm not sure i REALLY want to. friends want to, and i love lorde, so i want to tell friends yes. i did see her recently in oakland... anyway, i'm stalling on giving my friends an answer.

sometimes when i dream, i know i should wake, so i keep dreaming. stalling. before that game began this morning however, i'd had some AMAZING dreams of falling through traffic at full speed, but something about knowing it was a dream allowed me to navigate all the dangerous cars and land in a place of kissing butterflies and fantastic shapes/colors.

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writing since 2010 · 46 entries · 43 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Alex showed up.

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43days written

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on this day 15 years ago

Alex wrote about evidence
“is the real thing that you use to validate the fake thing that you made up. evidence is available for every made up thing you could ever possibly make up that you want to believe. one piece of eviden…”

the words Alex reaches for

happymindlovechildrenwateremotionsdreamssleepfriendsinsidegoldmomentfocusmorningcakematerials