coeurlourful
Listening to Swedish House Mafia in their last ever show, ever. Sad, but lovely. My private indulgence in the Social Sciences and Humanities library. Please don't kick me out. Please. I promise I will move on to actual studying soon.
Fatigue, ironically, is all I feel when I first awake every morning. Weariness, tiredness, soreness. My eyes need to be rubbed a few times to remove the denial of my reality - yet another night without proper rest. I do not know how I will handle this once semester starts, I am a ticking time bomb.
The sanctity of the blood of Christ. To be sanctified by His blood, to live out a life that is set apart from this world, just for Him. Let me not live a life in flesh, but let me abide my God's grace and love as one who yearns after His heart.
Growing, growing, growing in God. Oh Lord, how far you have brought me from the pits of my doubt and weakness, to such confidence now in Your great love and mercy. Lord, you are so faithful! You have destroyed the assurances of my own intellect, of my own securities in the petty things of this world and brought to a place of humility and contrition where I can bathe in Your glory and Your overwhelming grace. Hallelujah, what a saviour!
I always wonder why they do the job that they do. Is it actually fulfilling or a means to an end? It always just seems like they're doing it because they have to. Who would want to be so ignored and so rebuffed so many times in so little time?
There is this dream I have of marriage. To have a godly husband for myself. I want our marriage to exemplify the relationship of love between Christ and His bride, the church. I want a husband whom I respect and admire so warmly, he can only warrant my submission to his leadership. I want to nurture and care for him, to let him not worry about his health, what he will eat, what he will drink. I want to pursue God with him, so that our union speaks only to His glory and His glory only. I want to share the most intimate parts of my life with him, and be written into his. One day, I will be with him. For now, I will trust God.
It was like hitting yourself against a wall frustration. The temporary relief in the short bursts of repetitive pain. Short enough to not really hurt, often enough to remind you that you were still here, that situations had not changed one bit.
I always notice his features. What do I like most about them? His kind eyes. No, his well kept hair. His distinct jaw line. No, what I love most is his crooked smile. The slyness in the raised corner, his half entertained bemusement. I never noticed, but he is pleasing to look at. But is that true in reality or the workings of my feelings?
All is well. All is swell. All was well.
It was such a simple ending to 7 novels, a giant epic of a story. I felt my childhood leave me a bit as I closed the cover of that very last book, as I glimpsed away from that very last page with that very last word. Well. Swell.
I want to have a baby one day. Someone to nurture and to nourish, someone to grow a life in. And I want to share this experience with someone whom I treasure, someone whom I admire and respect and would say a thousand times yes to. We will have a baby to love.
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writing since 2013 · 20 entries · 20 days shown up
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