coolcat14

coolcat14

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You were a steady Rain I did not mind I danced in it, I thrived in it I scooped you into my hands and smiled because I love the Rain and I love you. You were a drizzle at first, a sprinkle of droplets on my windshield that I was unsure if I should wipe away, but then you filled my vision, you pounded on the glass and oh, I was lost in you, Rain, and I thought you were lost too until the strong beat of your downpour grew weaker and soon what was a hurricane was a soft pitter-patter that drove me insane with desire for the tsunami that was your love I didn't quite appreciate damn I miss that tidal wave of ecstacy from being with you, Rain I guess you forgot about me too, Rain, because you were nowhere to be seen not in puddles or rain clouds or in my dreams And it was quiet, Rain, so quiet I missed your raptaptapping and your sweet embrace I wanted you, Rain, I wanted to taste the history we had, I wanted to feel those Rain dances on my lips and the dew on my ankles from that first time we kissed but you were nowhere to be seen, Rain, not in puddles or rain clouds or in my dreams. I made my own rain, Rain, when yours dried up I drowned in it, Rain, I drowned in our lost love I soaked it up like a sponge The world was barren and hot and unforgiving and you, Rain, found other girls that like dancing. What felt like "drown" was a drought a dustbowl, empty, desert you were not my rain to keep you were gone, Rain, where'd you go? Rain, can't we be friends? I love you, Rain, come again, Rain, come again.

I play it back in my head My memories flip, rewind, fuzz I don't know where we went wronggnorw tnew ew erehw wonk t'nod I I've dreamed of you smiling Oh how I miss your smileelims ruoy ssim I woh hO Sometimes I thought you were my dream We were in love for 443 days I did not say it enough You did not mean it enough Too bad so saddas os dab ooT I am still so saddas os llits ma I

I remember how it felt to see those bursts of light. I was in a daze, those freckles of colors splattered against the lonely night. I felt endless. I kept thinking that one day when I was bigger, I could collect those tiny flickers and stuff them in my pockets, saving them for moonless nights, and for sad nights. I got bigger, and I couldn't catch those sudden stars. They bloomed out before my eyes, and I realized that I was too small still. Still I tried again to capture the booming lights in the sky, and eventually I tried to keep the moon. I wanted that lovely moon, to hold it hostage and talk to on those sad nights. I weeped on moonless nights. Now I am much bigger, and I weep every night. The moon is of no condolence; the fire works I grew to hate for their atrocious loudness. I am much bigger now, and these things lack their youthful magic. I have had years of explanations; I have known their patterns, their existence. Now I close the curtains on them, and weep into my pillow for life's tragedies.

You are an oak tree sturdy and worn scuffed up at the edges and yet you are strong arms and safety when the monsters come to play and I am feeling naive again I have done these things a hundred times You have done them a hundred years.

I slip into insanity, feel it's sleekness on my skin It feels so new, but I've worn it before- On the happy hours and sad nights when beer is my lover and we fall asleep together, knowing he'll be gone tomorrow morning- I think I'll wear it out today, My soft satin insanity.

want

To crave is such a distinguished feeling from other emotions. With sadness and happiness, it's temporary. We can "feed" our feelings and change them. But to want something, well.... It's like a hunger that never wanes.

Handing out fate at the end of the line So far behind everyone else Can't help but wonder about the destinies left over what'll it be this time? what'll it be this time?

I keep thinking about how I can't make you love me. That I won't wear the white dress to your wedding and see you on the other side of the aisle. Or videotape your children's Christmas mornings. Or give you all the greek olives in my salad, since you love them and I don't. I can't make you stay, I can't make this work. I can't make you love me if you won't.

chat

How do I even begin a conversation with you? We're so alike, so in love, and so completely different that I feel like the weather is all we share. This first date of ours will be awkward, cute, and confusing as balls. Just like you.

I am conflicted. I am living two lives consecutively. A Lifetime and a Lifetime. They never agree, And each doesn't like the other; How can this be If they have the same mother?

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writing since 2011 · 71 entries · 65 days shown up

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on this day 14 years ago

HumanKryptonite wrote about hundred
“You are an oak tree sturdy and worn scuffed up at the edges and yet you are strong arms and safety when the monsters come to play and I am feeling naive again I have done these things a hund…”

the words HumanKryptonite reaches for

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