coolcat14
You were a steady Rain
I did not mind
I danced in it, I thrived in it
I scooped you into my hands and smiled because
I love the Rain and I love you.
You were a drizzle at first, a sprinkle of droplets on my windshield that
I was unsure if I should wipe away, but then you filled my vision,
you pounded on the glass and oh, I was lost in you, Rain, and I thought you were lost too
until the strong beat of your downpour grew weaker and soon what was a hurricane
was a soft pitter-patter that drove me insane
with desire for the tsunami that was your love I didn't quite appreciate
damn I miss that tidal wave of ecstacy from being with you, Rain
I guess you forgot about me too, Rain, because you were nowhere to be seen
not in puddles or rain clouds or in my dreams
And it was quiet, Rain, so quiet
I missed your raptaptapping and your sweet embrace
I wanted you, Rain, I wanted to taste the history we had,
I wanted to feel those Rain dances on my lips
and the dew on my ankles from that first time we kissed but
you were nowhere to be seen, Rain,
not in puddles or rain clouds or in my dreams.
I made my own rain, Rain, when yours dried up
I drowned in it, Rain, I drowned in our lost love
I soaked it up like a sponge
The world was barren and hot and unforgiving
and you, Rain, found other girls that like dancing.
What felt like "drown"
was a drought
a dustbowl, empty, desert
you were not my rain to keep
you were gone, Rain, where'd you go?
Rain, can't we be friends?
I love you, Rain,
come again, Rain,
come again.
I play it back in my head
My memories flip, rewind, fuzz
I don't know where we went wronggnorw tnew ew erehw wonk t'nod I
I've dreamed of you smiling
Oh how I miss your smileelims ruoy ssim I woh hO
Sometimes I thought you were my dream
We were in love for 443 days
I did not say it enough
You did not mean it enough
Too bad so saddas os dab ooT
I am still so saddas os llits ma I
I remember how it felt to see those bursts of light. I was in a daze, those freckles of colors splattered against the lonely night. I felt endless. I kept thinking that one day when I was bigger, I could collect those tiny flickers and stuff them in my pockets, saving them for moonless nights, and for sad nights.
I got bigger, and I couldn't catch those sudden stars. They bloomed out before my eyes, and I realized that I was too small still. Still I tried again to capture the booming lights in the sky, and eventually I tried to keep the moon. I wanted that lovely moon, to hold it hostage and talk to on those sad nights. I weeped on moonless nights.
Now I am much bigger, and I weep every night. The moon is of no condolence; the fire works I grew to hate for their atrocious loudness. I am much bigger now, and these things lack their youthful magic. I have had years of explanations; I have known their patterns, their existence. Now I close the curtains on them, and weep into my pillow for life's tragedies.
You are an oak tree sturdy and worn
scuffed up at the edges and yet
you are strong arms and safety
when the monsters come to play
and I am feeling naive again
I have done these things a hundred times
You have done them a hundred years.
I slip into insanity, feel it's sleekness on my skin
It feels so new, but I've worn it before-
On the happy hours and sad nights when
beer is my lover and we fall asleep together,
knowing he'll be gone tomorrow morning-
I think I'll wear it out today,
My soft satin insanity.
To crave is such a distinguished feeling from other emotions. With sadness and happiness, it's temporary. We can "feed" our feelings and change them. But to want something, well....
It's like a hunger that never wanes.
Handing out fate at the end of the line
So far behind everyone else
Can't help but wonder about the destinies left over
what'll it be this time?
what'll it be this time?
I keep thinking about how I can't make you love me.
That I won't wear the white dress to your wedding and see you on the other side of the aisle.
Or videotape your children's Christmas mornings.
Or give you all the greek olives in my salad, since you love them and I don't.
I can't make you stay, I can't make this work.
I can't make you love me if you won't.
How do I even begin a conversation with you? We're so alike, so in love, and so completely different that I feel like the weather is all we share.
This first date of ours will be awkward, cute, and confusing as balls.
Just like you.
I am conflicted.
I am living two lives consecutively.
A Lifetime and a Lifetime.
They never agree,
And each doesn't like the other;
How can this be
If they have the same mother?
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writing since 2011 · 71 entries · 65 days shown up
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