dell
What a world we live in today, just when you think your well rounded life shows you that you're a bunch of hard edges.
I will never go back. That is what I promised myself a very long time ago. I would not care that I was leaving her. I would make a better life for myself and find her later. My mind raced as my index figure bluntly slid down the filmy white page. It was hard to see the tiny black writing underneath my nubbed finger. I had accidentally chopped the top portion of it off trying to stabb my step father in the fifth grade. The memories came fludding back as I searched under "B" for Burrows. My sister had to be listed here at Mcllelan Middle School. It is the only middle school in the small town I grew up in. "There, Samantha burrows!" Samantha was five years old when I left at sixteen, and now at twenty five I can finally take care of us. I am going to see her today after school. I am going ot take her home with me.
"Yes girl!" she told me infatically. I could tell from how wide her hazel eyes became that she had never been with a man like this before. Cassandra was beautiful. Her dark brown hair rolled off her shoulders like silk ribbons, and her coffee colored skin made her eyes sparkle that much more in any light. Cassandra was my new best friend. The stories she told me of men after our book club meeting every thursday night astounded me. A woman so beautiful and yet she had never known love from a man. All the men in her life used her. All the men in my life did the same. I could tell from her story that though he was rich with a panoramic media room, this man would be no different than the others. I'll stay close to her I thought, we can learn a lot from each other. One day it won't be this way. Together we will learn how to pick the right man.
They were not to be spoken of after they took the long walk, as we called it, down to the basement of the hopital. I can sense a remninsce of the presence of my own grandmothers' spirit from years before when they took her. The doctor said that she would just be changing rooms not to worry. She was sick, but not unto death. If they, the "kings of Utopia," would have given her time she would still be here to tell me of family secrets. I would still have her here to pass traditions on to me, that I might do the same for my descendants. To my heart she was perfect. She was a significant part of that which made me who I am. To them though she was a blemish. To them she was an unwanted speck on their society. She was a black dot on a blank white page. I wish I had a choice before they took her down for the long walk.
Sometimes I wonder about the ways of the world. Certain topics are never exhausted. In my own mind I find myself sickly traveling on the merry go round unable to stop.Bubbling up in my stomach is a mixture of anger and fatigue, and I find myself regurgitating more of the same themes. I have built a temple, and there I find peace.
I remember the day I walked in to dance for her. The room had two sets of mirrors almost the same size of the walls. One set infront of me and the other on the wall behind me. She, the ajudicator, was the only one in the room but the mirrors made me feel as if hundreds were watching. My feet were cold against the yellow laminate flooring. I had no dance shoes. My shape was contorted from my combination of stretch pants and an old tank top. The closest items in my closet to a leotard and tights. I didn't want her to think i was a charity case. I wanted to prove how capable I was. I wanted her to look past my make shift ensemble and my being from the inner city. If my mother could have she would have paid for the classes without question but she couldn't. So I walked in and I danced. My dry feet touched the cold floor after each direction she shouted, and I danced for that scholarship. Shamed as I was for not looking like the rest of the girls waiting. Their hair pulled into buns, legs covered with white tights, and feet adorned in piggy pink slippers. I danced.
I must have spit her out they say. She is just like me. A pretty little princess indeed. She has big brown eyes that slant toward her ears just so. Beautiful brown slanted eyes like an asian, but she is a chocolate girl. The color of a reeses cup and the sweetness too.
"I can't believe it!" she said to me. "You of all people tying the knott, and to a man!" I had a pretty confused childhood, young adult hood, well to put it simple a confused life. My bestfriend had been with me through it all and now she'll be holding my flowers when I say "I do." Cheers to me in this gown and cheers to her. Cheers always to her.