grapplerschool

grapplerschool

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Will I rebound? I've worried about my life for so long, careeer, motivation, where to live, love, fun and I wonder how long I will rebound. I'm certainly in some type of transition and is this upswing when I figure it all out or do I have to wait for me to land and complete the rebound before I know?

I want footage of my life ten years from now and want that footage to tell me what i can do to change it if I don't like what i see. Kind of an annotated youtube video that reads 'click here ot find out what you can do to avoid this' or 'this is what you did to make your elife so awesome, be sure not to miss it!' That would be pretty cool, but then again, I kind of want to see what I would do without any help.

Dogmatic. Most of what here and even repeat is dogmatic, even the things that are new and radical. We feed and live off of some ideas dogma even when we don't realize it and to be honest, isn't that what they want and is there anyways to get out of it?

I wish I was a savage. I wish I had the brutality adn the lack of care and lack of guilt to just tell people what I thought, to go and do and be the person that I want to be instead of considering all of them and worrying about all of them day in and day out. I wish I was a savage with only my needs to worry about free of the tethers of computers and smart phones.

Solidarity! what an easy rally when you're in need. What an easy thing to call for when you're in the wrong. but had you truely had solidarity with others, with your lover, and just the human species, I doubt that you would have ever had the need for such a call and a need to try and turn your back on others when they didn't answer it. You see, I am a man, and not vermin.

If I had all infinity, it would mean nothing to me if I didn't act. In fact, knowing that I have little time, that I can die, is the greatest gift I have because it means I have to act now and not later. If I had infinity, I would never create. An endless seas of tomorrow would be my greatest downfall.

I'm fasting from myself. I need time away from the preconceived notions and the envy that I have for better writers. I need to fast away from all the things that have kept me down and become lean and trim and hungry enough to be willing to accept help and be willing to learn and refead myeslf from the words of those who are doing better than I.

I feel that my life has become somewhat dysfunctional. I've let too much grime to get in the gears and now that I'm taking a look at things, im overwhelmed in what I feel will be a lot of work to get myself back into full functionality. But part of the problem that I've had has been pushing the pedals in the first place, so here we go. Time to clean, time to pray, and time to push the pedals and go for a long ride that will prime me and hopefully keep me from falling back into disuse.

whether or not. i don't know. this prompts make me wonder if I really want to be here. I feel crushed by this word, it makes me want to walk away and never come back. I bought you flowers oneword, but you don't deserve them. I'm sorry, it's me not you. I had a bad day at work and some jerk ran over my hat.

It will be a mircale if you ever pull your head out of your ass. I get tired of your lack of caring and lack of motivation. I am not your parents, I am your lover and future husband. It will be a miracle if you can ever realize that other people live in this world besides you and that we do love and care about you. Maybe we should find some miracle to bring you back from the dead, because thats what you feel like you are most of the time now adays.

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writing since 1969 · 38 entries · 37 days shown up

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on this day 14 years ago

grapplerschool wrote about event
“And tonights main event, ladies and gentle, I present to you, my magnificent penis! That's right, through the marvels of science and a little black magic, it is alive, it is giant, and it will do ba…”

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