jillmjacobs
Once I was in the jungle. There i found my peace, my bliss. The animals hid but the shades of green shown proudly, waiting for me to appreciate its beauty, accepting me into their natural existence. And now i sit, in my concrete box and dream of no airplanes above and no motion upon streets below. I dream of the jungle, my rainforest, my beauty.
i shall never write about a place
in which i do not feel familiar
empirical data is a necessity
to produce anything of value
necessary
in order for your word to mean
anything
Last night i watched the movie The Wall....
I hit a wall only to see
that i went all the way through
to the other side
where all was bright
and new
and waiting for me to come and explore
he was on the other side
smiling with one dimple gracing his left cheek
and i looked at him
only to find there was never a wall at all
that any wall that stood before
was nothing
in comparison to what was on the other side
i am my own lord
we musnt look to the vast sky for answers to this earth
look down to your feet
look into the eyes of your peers
and ask yourself questions
and live
and experience
and find your own solutions
we needn't have a lord
we only need our own capacity to reason
he soiled himself
at the thought of death
he knew he had no control
and that alone was enough to break his nerves
he tried to dissolve the thoughts
but it was as if it was starring him in the face
and forcing the urine to deepen the shade of denim upon him
i used to think my favorite season was summer
and then i experienced the crispness under my feet
as i traveled parallel to the creek
that carried suicidal leaves to their watery death
the movement of the water so subtle
only those who rode upon its surface
gave light to the fact it had any movement at all
the sky is pale
the trees are stripped as the hurricane depletes trees of their ephemeral color
and now all is bare
and grey
and still ever so beautiful
i stare at this screen blankly
and sink as the word "past" is presented before me
there is too much, i think to myself, to write it all down
to write any of it down
associations purely with pain
it is there
it will always be there
a part of me
a representation of growth
and the hardships that are necessary for growth to begin
drawing is my specialty
in fact it is my whole reason for attending this university
today i drew for fun
what a rare occasion
when always drenched in projects to complete
expected to exploit my creativity
and suck my inner child's imagination dry
come forth my friends
and join me on this journey
to self-realization
we have all been content closing our eyes
and residing in the shadows
it is time for a change
for a rebirth
come forth
and prove to me
that you are more than just
a sentient being
The entrance to my heart is not one easily found
in fact
until recently i did not even know there was an entrance
i try to keep it blocked off
for my own safety
for my heart's protection
but little germs of lust and love
creep its way through the slits
and establish itself
right in the middle of my heart
where i cannot reach it
alter it
or remove it
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writing since 2011 · 102 entries · 102 days shown up
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the words jill reaches for
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