jillmjacobs

jillmjacobs

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Once I was in the jungle. There i found my peace, my bliss. The animals hid but the shades of green shown proudly, waiting for me to appreciate its beauty, accepting me into their natural existence. And now i sit, in my concrete box and dream of no airplanes above and no motion upon streets below. I dream of the jungle, my rainforest, my beauty.

i shall never write about a place in which i do not feel familiar empirical data is a necessity to produce anything of value necessary in order for your word to mean anything

wall

Last night i watched the movie The Wall.... I hit a wall only to see that i went all the way through to the other side where all was bright and new and waiting for me to come and explore he was on the other side smiling with one dimple gracing his left cheek and i looked at him only to find there was never a wall at all that any wall that stood before was nothing in comparison to what was on the other side

lord

i am my own lord we musnt look to the vast sky for answers to this earth look down to your feet look into the eyes of your peers and ask yourself questions and live and experience and find your own solutions we needn't have a lord we only need our own capacity to reason

soil

he soiled himself at the thought of death he knew he had no control and that alone was enough to break his nerves he tried to dissolve the thoughts but it was as if it was starring him in the face and forcing the urine to deepen the shade of denim upon him

i used to think my favorite season was summer and then i experienced the crispness under my feet as i traveled parallel to the creek that carried suicidal leaves to their watery death the movement of the water so subtle only those who rode upon its surface gave light to the fact it had any movement at all the sky is pale the trees are stripped as the hurricane depletes trees of their ephemeral color and now all is bare and grey and still ever so beautiful

past

i stare at this screen blankly and sink as the word "past" is presented before me there is too much, i think to myself, to write it all down to write any of it down associations purely with pain it is there it will always be there a part of me a representation of growth and the hardships that are necessary for growth to begin

draw

drawing is my specialty in fact it is my whole reason for attending this university today i drew for fun what a rare occasion when always drenched in projects to complete expected to exploit my creativity and suck my inner child's imagination dry

forth

come forth my friends and join me on this journey to self-realization we have all been content closing our eyes and residing in the shadows it is time for a change for a rebirth come forth and prove to me that you are more than just a sentient being

The entrance to my heart is not one easily found in fact until recently i did not even know there was an entrance i try to keep it blocked off for my own safety for my heart's protection but little germs of lust and love creep its way through the slits and establish itself right in the middle of my heart where i cannot reach it alter it or remove it

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writing since 2011 · 102 entries · 102 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means jill showed up.

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102days written

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on this day 15 years ago

jill wrote about answers
“tell me the answers so that i can fill my soul with words of nonsense that are supposed to make me feel better i always ask so many questions but some beauty lies in their unanswered-ness some…”

the words jill reaches for

mindnowbeautifullivepotentialdontthoughtshowevercontrolwordselfbeautyothersrealityshapepurpose