Nikk
I am the eldest child in my family. I held the highest amount of responsibility growing up and now..I dont know how to live with out it. I strive for more and crumble under it. I occupy hours of my life with multitasking, running from job-to-job and now...I am with out it. I secretly wished for such a thing for a long time. "Me time" is all I wanted, and a few more hours of sleep.
Now, I sleep too much. I have no more drive or want because this depression is consuming me.
Instinctivly I applied the gauze to my wounds. They told me that nothing would fix a broken heart such as mine and yet I've been able to recover. A mircle it seems coming from such tiny pieces to the lump it is now. It's vitals are weak, mutilated and decayed. The edges are frayed and worn down, not much is holding it together anymore. I apply more gauze.
I drift among these vessels we call humans. These organisms derived from mass cells. Personalities we need to cope with, feel for and oblige. I am floating in this current, consumed by thier woes and throws. Humanity is far beyond my minds understanding, thus I must destroy it.
It reverberated through me. The sound quenched my thirst and settled pre-existing fears with in my soul. Only you could of known the fate of that dreaded night. Rain crashed upon the rivers stones. The stream gushed and roared around us, all else was a muffled second thought in comparison. It was you and I. Our chilled breath wafting away in the breeze, words were unneeded. I knew you were my maker, and this to be our last moments. A planted kiss on my forehead signaled your goodbye, and sailing down that river, I died.
I am starting my life over. I have failed at this so many times but i have come to realize...I loath the person i have become. I have heard the opinions, although i feel they are not as fully truthed as I would of liked..There is still partial truth. I am taking opinions of people who have general disgust of me. I am choosing to revamp...and instill more Godly practices in my life. In the past I have found the closer I walk in the words of God, life flows more abudantly and beautifully for me. Things are tattered and barely recognizable..I choose to change this NOW, although i feel i should work on the relationships i have tarnished, I wont. I am in a new place with new people...to start OVER. My journey begins today. I welcome you to do the same.
What an epic word for such an epic day. Today is my end. The end of it all and all that has begun> the end of the things to come>
or none.
Searching deeply to find the trust,
within mistake ridden consquence
Foreboding mysteries
unwanted histories
life is a succession of imminent nows
and life is a must.
As the officers approached my drivers side window the rain crashed down hard upon my cars hood. Thundering down, as my next few moments would be, I slowly rolled down the window. The first officer had broad masuline shoulders, His har and eyes both appeared to be as dark as the night, he loomed over my vehicle, examining my thrashed bumper. The other man stood at the tail of my car, over looking the license plate. Once the officer at my window felt comfortable with his check of my car, his head slowly turned toward me. He looked at me but I could not draw any emotion from his hiding eyes. The corners of is mouth curled into a smile I had not expected, his lips seperated as his smile widened now with bits of light glinting off his teeth.
It"s time to put on a show. The one I dance so elegantly. Dressed to the teeth, shadowed by my curse. These illusions hang still, quite deamons waiting for the kill. A slip of wit and ill be the one to quit, a melodical figurine dancing before the scene. For one more show.