sarabreeannh
is it really that much
to ask that you love me as painlessly as you did when we first met?
is it too much to wish for a kiss
much like the ones we shared before
they tasted like hope and sunny skies
now they're sad stale lies that linger on my lips as i lay awake at night thinking about breakfast and laundry and furniture sales
you used to touch me in such a way that i felt like if you let go id just float away
now you touch me because i ask you to
and you're too tired to tell me that you don't feel the same anymore.
sheets wrinkled,
pale porcelain against a shabby grey
that would be beautiful if you weren't lying in comparison.
there's a shine in your eyes that no one else can see
and i almost feel guilty
for keeping something like that to myself. almost.
there you go again
out of my sight
out of my reach
and i'll push all my feelings under the rug again
until you come back to me.
everything i write is about you or how whatever im scribbling is not worth reading
sometimes i just wish i could wrap my arms around you and hold on tight
and feel exactly like i did when we first met and i was falling so fast
but you can't fall forever.
you've never stopped chasing me but somehow i've lost the courtesy to run
you've never stopped loving but somehow i'm not holding on
and you deserve so much better.
why are there days, when thoughts spill right into my fingers
and make them twitch around a pen,
or they form right in the back of my mouth and push because they're desperate for escape
but on days when i need the power of language more than i've ever needed anything else
im silent
and still
and utterly apathetic?
i've got words wrapped up in me that my mouth has never seen
words that no pen will ever trace across a page
too vulnerable for eyes and ears
too cold for summer skies
too much for me to bear.
untangle me
i was going to actually try to write something
but im pretty much hating myself right now
and everything about me.
why is it so hard for me to be okay with myself?
if i had the balls to jump off of the roof and be someone new, i'd do it.
When you fall, you really fall. you crash.
you could have taken me as high as you wanted
and i thought that i'd have let you
but i wanted to taste the dirt
so i let go of you
and when i hit the ground,
you were the greatest thing i'd ever seen leave.
you are so much
there is no small word to describe you
there is nothing insignificant about the way you are
who you are
you are electric
you are positive
you are loud
and you burn like the sun.
Sometimes I can feel my heart beating
deep in my chest
and it's a grounding, take your breath away feeling.
I'm here. I have blood pouring through my veins, I have thoughts spilling out in every direction.
I am real, as real as anyone else.
And it seems so basic, but that's a strong thing to realize. It really is.
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