sarabreeannh

sarabreeannh

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is it really that much to ask that you love me as painlessly as you did when we first met? is it too much to wish for a kiss much like the ones we shared before they tasted like hope and sunny skies now they're sad stale lies that linger on my lips as i lay awake at night thinking about breakfast and laundry and furniture sales you used to touch me in such a way that i felt like if you let go id just float away now you touch me because i ask you to and you're too tired to tell me that you don't feel the same anymore.

sheets wrinkled, pale porcelain against a shabby grey that would be beautiful if you weren't lying in comparison. there's a shine in your eyes that no one else can see and i almost feel guilty for keeping something like that to myself. almost.

sweep

there you go again out of my sight out of my reach and i'll push all my feelings under the rug again until you come back to me.

everything i write is about you or how whatever im scribbling is not worth reading sometimes i just wish i could wrap my arms around you and hold on tight and feel exactly like i did when we first met and i was falling so fast but you can't fall forever. you've never stopped chasing me but somehow i've lost the courtesy to run you've never stopped loving but somehow i'm not holding on and you deserve so much better.

why are there days, when thoughts spill right into my fingers and make them twitch around a pen, or they form right in the back of my mouth and push because they're desperate for escape but on days when i need the power of language more than i've ever needed anything else im silent and still and utterly apathetic?

i've got words wrapped up in me that my mouth has never seen words that no pen will ever trace across a page too vulnerable for eyes and ears too cold for summer skies too much for me to bear. untangle me

roof

i was going to actually try to write something but im pretty much hating myself right now and everything about me. why is it so hard for me to be okay with myself? if i had the balls to jump off of the roof and be someone new, i'd do it.

When you fall, you really fall. you crash. you could have taken me as high as you wanted and i thought that i'd have let you but i wanted to taste the dirt so i let go of you and when i hit the ground, you were the greatest thing i'd ever seen leave.

major

you are so much there is no small word to describe you there is nothing insignificant about the way you are who you are you are electric you are positive you are loud and you burn like the sun.

Sometimes I can feel my heart beating deep in my chest and it's a grounding, take your breath away feeling. I'm here. I have blood pouring through my veins, I have thoughts spilling out in every direction. I am real, as real as anyone else. And it seems so basic, but that's a strong thing to realize. It really is.

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writing since 2012 · 20 entries · 20 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Sara showed up.

3longest streak

20days written

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on this day 14 years ago

Sara wrote about combine
“Chemical reactions happen in all kinds of different ways id like to think of us as a nice little combination our chemicals touch each other and react together in an instant like mixing blue and ye…”

the words Sara reaches for

lovenowwritetouchwishmouthwordspushmetholdthoughtsfalldifferentstayedaffairswrote