stonefoxkneesocks

stonefoxkneesocks

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my father's skin is armor; tan and tough year after year wrinkled only from life's work, no lines from laughter, pain, or fear only once did he break through, the day I taught him grief exists he knelt sobbing at my bedside; zip ties chained my bandaged wrists.

I hide behind knowledge to excuse the insane to make sense out of love, negate heartbreak and pain a flush of the face; a mere chemical effect nothing in the heart a glass slide can't reflect. but for you, there is no thesis; no research that defines the reason why your eyes, to me, are treasured, bright blue shrines. the vacancy you never filled, I only now perceive the absurdity of missing you, never mine to leave.

she goes through men like paychecks; free dinners, no harm done lipstick worn like war paint, brands the necks of every one burns bridges like an arsonist, cuts ties like Sweeney Todd stole one glance over her shoulder and he shattered her facade.

I'm shrink-wrapped and vacuum sealed, boxed up and hid away you swear to me you'll let me down; another time, a better day. my painted lips await your kiss; my fairy tale is now a nightmare my plastic heart beats madness, lungs breathe dreams instead of air.

he had skin of sandpaper; my lips were rubbed raw eyes frozen in blue above a tightly clenched jaw arms like chains on his chest; like a soldier he stands my nails torn clean off, I throw up my hands.

round

confined like a steed in a merry-go-round I exist for amusement; a sadist's playground in circles I run, a stake through my middle the weight on my shoulders the most lovely riddle.

master at staring into blindingly bright lights smile through the pain as I tiptoe at great heights locks turned, blinds drawn, designer dress on the floor poise runs down like mascara the minute I shut the door.

rural

white knuckles nearly strangling the edge of my seat the same color as the fence of every house on this street caps in the air; eighteen years, watch me soar leave a key under the mat before I turn and slam the door.

sum

my father teaches math. made the butt of every joke laughingstock at every party; “babysitter,” “dumb and broke” treated less than dirt, land you inherited for free sailed seas with empty hands except for one that cradled me.

writing since 2012 · 158 entries · 151 days shown up

each square is a day — lit means you showed up.

28longest streak

151days written

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on this day 13 years ago

you wrote about irreverent
“I was the devil on your shoulder; I held the wine to your lips Fed you bites of poison apple between your shy, cautious sips The snake that led you to the garden where you emerged a sinner Your he…”

the words you reach for

lovehearteyesnowskinnightmindwordslipshandstruecannotlosttruthlovedhead