alissadanielle

alissadanielle

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you said my eyes were like caramel, something different. you usually like girls with blue eyes, but mine were different. pretty, you said. something new, something unusual.

i never thought it would strike me to feel this way about someone. to feel as open, and honest, as natural as i could ever have believed. he struck down like lightning, this boy.

the one time i went bowling i lost both of my shoes. i really didnt mean to, but you see. on my way to the car i ran into her. she was sitting on the ground with her dog of two years. a sign read 'even a smile helps'. instead, i gave her those shoes, the ones that always chaff my pinky toe, and cut up my heels. i figured, she needed them more than i.

as i walk up to him. he's mumbling something under his breath. something about this girl he once met; evidently i look like her. well isn't that great, the love of my life is pining after my doppleganger and i'm here looking like the idiot.

why can't i live each day as though it's my last? what is so wrong with wanting to be happy, and striving to live in the now, rather than in the what's after?

he pressed his torso against my back, and wrapped his arms around me. it seems we have to sleep this close, he said. there's really not much room. i giggled nervously. well there's always the couch, i suggested. in your dreams, you're way too warm to let go, he responded. this whole night has been so pressing.

i try and find answers everywhere i go, to questions that i cannot bear to even ask. i look for answers in the sky, through the grass, and under the water. i do not know what i will find, but i know that you will be there throughout it all. like always.

i wish i had the strength to pick myself back up right now. i'm getting there slowly. but i'm not there yet. i have faith though, that soon i'll be back on even ground. and i think that's where my strength lies. to remain optimistic even when the world is crashing down around me.

success is over rated. a contraption by society designed in order to push us towards a certain goal they believe is worth attaining. work towards your own successes. your own goals and dreams.

plans

my plans change every day now that i've met you. i used to see myself as someone who would always strive towards a certain end. life seemed simple. your whirlwind of a personality changed that. sent it flying. now i dont know left from right, or up from down. but i really dont mind.

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writing since 2011 · 13 entries · 13 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Lola showed up.

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on this day 15 years ago

Lola wrote about morality
“why can't i live each day as though it's my last? what is so wrong with wanting to be happy, and striving to live in the now, rather than in the what's after?”

the words Lola reaches for

noweyestowardsbetterwalkmetcertaindontdreamsstrengthgroundanswersliveshoesdifferentsit