beverlyislike
I've never drawn such a blank before in my entire life... I keep thinking of the many editions of the dictionary or the revised and expanded edition of The Canadian Style Guide. What am I thinking?
I finally got him to notice, but noticing me was not enough. I want him to want me. Want him to need me. But he doesn't share the same need for me, so we stay friends. All we're doing is hiding behind a charade. It makes my head hurt.
I'm wishing I could have a better life, but then again, who isn't? I wish my mother wasn't sick, I wish I hadn't taken a year off, I wish I have a happy new year, and most of all I'm wishing I find him soon.
I think a lot of people fear being left at the alter. I'm not one of those people for I fear I'll never make it to an alter in the first place. I want to be married to an amazing guy who will love me, but I just can't see it happening. Not because I don't want to or anything, it's just I don't seem to have much luck with the men.
I have a large collection of paperclips next to my computer. I don't collect them like some collect stamps or spoons. I was given most of them years ago from a friend of my mothers. She had them all attached to one another and I thought it was fun to un-attach them. Now they sit and wait to be used.
I've already spoken of my fear of rejection. Whether it be rejected from a boy, a job interview, or even my parents, it hurts every way you look at it. One day I'll learn to get over it.
Why are we so afraid of rejection? When people ask me what I am afraid of I am ashamed to tell them I'm deathly afraid of rejection, of being alone. But why? It's not like I am the only one. I think it's because to admit we fear rejection, a natural occurrence in life, we admit defeat in a way.
writing since 2010 · 8 entries · 6 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Beverly showed up.
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6days written
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the words Beverly reaches for
rejectionfearafraidwishlovefriendlearnadmitcollectalterwishingthinkinghindersattentionaffectionrelationship