coffeetinteddreams
it takes experience. everything does. to know yourself is really the most important thing. i still cannot claim to know myself, after spending these years alone in this body.
A square is the second most perfect shape, after the circle. Four corners. Four sides. A beauty.
I remember the way you held me that night. Not really there. But still here. Here in my heart. Gripping my soul. You, you're never really here. You're far. But close. Close to my emotions. And now I wait, for another night like that. Nights are rare. But I remember every one of them.
How do I want to look? I questioned myself as I looked in the mirror. Respectable. Clean nails. Neat clothes. Respectable. Don't walk over me. Respectable for a new start.
I can discover the world on my screen. I can only explore it out there.
Losing it. I'm sure I am losing it. I hit my head with my folder as I walk up the empty staircase. There is no one here. I am sure no one heard the loud bang. I am sure I have not damaged that many brain cells. I punch the door as I push it. My knuckles cry out in pain.
Bunny rabbits. Remind of you. Because you'd always find them cute. Bunny rabbits. I don't need you. But you're everywhere. In every drawing of ever book. Tiny cartoons. Silly jokes. Sunshines. Smiles. And it's so hard to erase you.
This is what I want. I don't know how you'll get it. But this is what I want. I know what I want. I just don't know how to get there. I can draw it perfectly. And show you. But I don't know how to reach into it and make it real.
I've closed my heart. Not open for business anymore. I've shut the door. No one is getting in. No one is getting out. They will break out though. I will throw them out. Because all I do is hurt.
Poison ivy. Tangles you up. Strangles you. You're grappling at it. You want it to let go of you. The more you struggle, the harder it gets. You pull. You try to scream but your vocal chords are failing.
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writing since 2010 · 32 entries · 31 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Sophie showed up.
6longest streak
31days written
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the words Sophie reaches for
painhugstaringseatswaitinglyingeyesanymorehurtsadventurespontaneityrememberwordcloselousyaverage