kaleidoscope

kaleidoscope

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a broken-hearted carpenter. a lost child. an enigmatic dreamer. they'd grabbed on and she'd fought to keep them from crashing off the ledge. they were her savings. pieces of heartache, abandoned dreams, buried memories. at the end of day, she was a pauper.

i am mighty fin you are mighty fine. he is mighty fine. we are mighty fine. you are mighty fine. they are mighty fine. we've become entwined in the lies of in these meaningless lines.

they had so much spark jolting overstretched bodies, it built up as plastic souls trampled piles of dreams and she was grounded the conductor of their emancipation she'd forgotten what it meant to connect without pain.

study

i'm sorry that, after so many hours of study, you still drifted away, a failing grade. and maybe i'm nothing more than a badly written textbook compunctions, predilections, conflicting emotions, strewn over jumbled pages but for that i am not sorry.

denim

it had been a love hate affair. she loved the way he had softened over time, moulded himself to her curves. the way his rough edges now gently held her together on days when her insides threatened drown out the world. how he knew and touched parts no one else ever had. and how he now fit only her. she hated that her growth slowly tore him apart. and how her desperate attempts to close the gaps left only tangled threads. she too often left his heart in knots. so she resigned herself. a patch here. a patch there. oh how she tried to make them match. but the incongruous pieces tore and pulled him into pieces. these days, she could barely find him.

i am slowly learning that conviction is not always a bold sergeant, purposefully marching forward, methodically taking down whatever is in his path. sometimes it the surprising humming rising out of the rubble, the gentle lifting of weight on shoulders, and Your still, small voice, whispering, "well done".

"but i've been so flexible" you said. and i couldn't deny it. you'd wound yourself around me, closely following my every whim, continuously changed shapes in an attempt to seep into the crevices of my being. yes. you had been flexible. perhaps the cage you'd put me in me was less conventional than a standard metallic one, but it was a prison nonetheless. like a snake, you'd encased me in your grip and i could no longer breathe.

furious. to admit that you make me so would be to admit you have my heart in your hands.

you'd always complimented my math notes and my clear, unbroken lines always earned your praise. so it shouldn't have surprised either of us when i brought sharpened graphite to paper and firmly etched a clear radius around my heart. i was only trying to protect myself after all, we'd marvelled together at the unyielding nature of a perfect sphere. but as you stand on the outside calloused hands smudged in unrelenting poison i can no longer speak in geometry. it was never my goal to hurt you.

the deep baseline snakes through my core as your words of ecstasy fill me giddy shakes. your mouth words at me almost lovingly. i can't hear a thing

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writing since 2012 · 41 entries · 38 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means S showed up.

2longest streak

38days written

0.2entries / week

on this day 13 years ago

S wrote about squint
“the red lines ran together, apart, and tangled a never-ending flurry of motion. how dare they resist appropriation subjugation was the only option the brain ordered him to contain, measure, s…”

the words S reaches for

skiesfeetheartmightydreamsbrokenliesrememberhandsweightsometimesfinecrackeddrowningpainshit