magentarosedcs
i feel i've never been part of a group like this, that have a common moment they have strived for and reached and felt like one in doing so. or i haven't stuck around for long enough, my mind always leads me somewhere else; i'm not so good with standing still, i'm not stationary in my mind so it doesn't work the best phyically
i've always wanted to explore, and i wonder to myself when will the day come that we might get that far, to explore and discover the galaxy. what are we going to find in any respect, it's hard to define, the feeling inside of excitement and wonder, that can accompany any such day of discovery; that accompanies the ideas of what we might one day see.
In the back of my mind, i feel bad for acting like a bitch and making myself out to be selfish. my ego is much larger than most people think, i hide my heart and thoughts away, i'll keep on going covering up, for another day. self-importance in me is really much smaller than i make it out to be, because i like people to think i'm on top of the world; because on top of the world they can't hurt me. Then i've somehow realised, through older greyer eyes, that it's all down to how naked i feel; so i try to cover it up and destroy all doubt, with my longwinded prose and imitation passion, my heart-of-gold demeanour. just lately i've come to realize i'm not such a mystery, even to myself.
sometimes i feel like you shouldn't trust me, is there really anything left here, why can't we all just see, i think our past is too much weight to bear. give me a hand, i'll pull you up, standing in the middle of a meadow, counting shadows and rainbows. which one is really there, and how will we compare; to the years we've had in hiding and the days we see the sun.
executive, executed. one day its that way the next day its this. the world changes for you in the blink of an eye, i always feel like it does, sometimes i can't help but go backwards, i feel like i'm circling out of control, something pushing me, something pulling me backwards. my decisions get ignored, when i try to be assertive they get shot down.
its a forever changing word and we'll forever be in that digital age. spinning in circles i can't find the end or the exit to this technological cave. we're forever moving forward, but i always feel i'm stuck in the past; our future it goes everywhere, we're moving on too fast. to the seas we find the answer, the swallowing of our futures; but i know with you i'm safe to be, myself and free, i won't be a part of a digital ice age, i'll endure this stage. and know you'll come one day, i won't be left and fade away; i'll prove my trust and hope for what i must, while watching this world that never could stay.
i've already wrtitten about this today and now i have no clue at all what to say, it's just what my mind does when i come up against one, i freeze i'm frozen, and broken and can't put myself back together, or make my words for sentences that make sense to anything.
writing since 2011 · 9 entries · 7 days shown up
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ageminddigitalforeverhardmovingstuckpasttrustsometimesbackwardsstandinghearttopexplorewonder