tarrynyouapart
I am deranged
Estranged
Fully loaded
A ghost with the ability to rip
You heart is nothing
It will not save you
Not when the deranged girl
The can't be saved girl
Gets to it
Because I will eat it while it's
Still beating
Beating up what you have given me
I am deranged
I am
I've never witnessed anything like how you hated me
I couldn't understand, all I'd ever done was try to please you
But I smothered, I guess
I was crazy and uncessary
Or so you told me
You couldn't imagine staying in one place for so long
One place with one person, the way I had decided to stay with you
But the decision was never really mine, was it?
It wasn't.
I keep listening to this voice inside my head
It takes away any of my perfect words
And leaves me with a doubt I cannot conquer
I have no words, am left fathomless
Where do I go from here
My fingers are stuck, locked, failing at creating poignant thoughts
Nothing happens
Nothing here
Nothing
Nothing
How does one sate a thirst for death
Not that of others
But that for oneself
I know.
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Game, game, game
I cannot think about what comes to mind when I see the word game
Because I just saw The Hobbit
AND I AM DYING
I DON'T KNOW HOW I SURVIVED
OH MY GOD
NO MORE
THIS IS THE LONGEST MINUTE EVER
THE HOBBIT MAKES TIME GO BY SLOWER
PERMANENTLY
MAKE THIS END I CANNOT THINK
S:FDLJAS:JLD
Five seconds ago you were mine, I swear it.
A mere
one
two
three
four
five
But now, I only see your silhouette in the distance
Roaming farther and father away from me
Five seconds ago I had everything
And now it's five months later and I still hear the clock strike backward
five
four
three
two
one
Backwards into the depths of your blue
Hush now baby, don't say a word
I know that you're scared and want to go home
It's due time for your tears to all stop
But you're locked in a closet and you can hear the gun shots
I can tell you that it'll all be okay; it'll be a lie but they'll remember your name
And moments from now your fear will go away
These feelings, I cannot contain them. They are overwhelming me; controlling my every thought. I cannot breath without feeling them stir deep inside. Threatening to bubble over, they need to be noticed. They need to be fulfilled. But there is nothing I can do to quell this desire and maintain my own dignity.
Living and breathing inside of glass, pressed flat and unfeeling between sheets of sharp, cornered guilt. How is anyone supposed to dream or believe when eyes are wide-open at a mouth of blood and filth. There is no salvation here.
I've been so patient with my love
So selfless, though no one would ever believe
I've let it go now that I've gotten it
It's for the greater good
They're better off, I'm desperately not
I've set you free as I sink
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writing since 2012 · 29 entries · 28 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Tarryn showed up.
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the words Tarryn reaches for
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