carynska
There are many days where I feel like I can't even manage my own life. Things seem too complicated, too intricate, too difficult for me to possibly handle. I don't like feeling that way, but many days I don't know how to stop it. Managing things has never really been something I'm really good at, but lately, it seems worse than ever.
He always wears his hair in a braid. I use it to pick him out of a crowded room. He is neat, and fairly well organized and he likes to work with his hands. I love to play with his hair, though I never get to see it down, running my fingers over his braid is still fun. I love him so much, his hair is part of who he is. I can't imagine him without his braid.
Honestly, I don't know what to write here. I don't even know if I want to write here. I'm nervous that you'll see what I'm writing, and that you will judge me to be unworthy. I am scared that people will know who I am and what I've done. I worry that my honesty will sometimes get me in trouble. I am afraid that I cannot be honest, that I simply lack the capacity.
He rises in the evenings, after the sun goes down, He's not a happy or an easy riser, preferring to stay in bed even if he can't sleep any longer. But once awake, he faces his day. Not necessarily with a smile on his face. He makes his breakfast, and yes, he eats breakfast, and then coffee, and then obviously smokes.
We used to have chalkboards in my high school, but only for the first few months of my Freshman year. I remember our Physics teacher, Mr. C, who was also the building's default handyman, went through every single classroom and replaced them with whiteboards. It was a great improvement, and things went better after that. But I always sort of missed the chalkboards.
I love listening to the radio in my car in the mornings on my way to school. I listen to music and I listen to the talk programs, sometimes I even listen to the commercials. I have a 40 minute commute back and forth 3 times a week. It can get very lonely and I suppose the radio gives me something to do. I listen to it, and I sing along with it. I even talk back to it if there is a talk program on.
The first time I was ever in a limo was for my cousin's wedding. We had to travel from the reception hall to the place across town where the ceremony was held. I remember, there were lights. The whole ceiling of the limo was lit up. I don't remember if there was a TV, or a bar, but I remember staring at those lights....
I love my backpack. It was a gift from my boyfriend when I started taking school seriously and enrolled in a 4 year University. I take it with my every day. It holds my books and my laptop and my pens and calculator, though why I need a calculator as an English major, I don't really know. Anyway, I love it most of all because it used to belong to my boyfriend, and I love him very much.
A photo montage of my best moments. Graduation caps and weddings tacked up onto the cork board, right next to pictures of my family and loved ones. Pets, friends, places I've been to. They all sit there and look at me. They can see that I was happy once. I can see that I was happy once. All I have to do is look at the board, and I can relive my happiest times and my happiest memories.
I remember yesterday, I remember last week, I remember last month, I even remember last year. All of my memories make up who I am. Every time I want to think about a pleasant experience in my past, I can simply call it to mind from my endless store of wonderful memories. I consider myself to be a very lucky person, to have had such wonderful memories in my life. To have experienced such wonderful things.
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writing since 2011 · 13 entries · 13 days shown up
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rememberlovehappystaringmemorieslistenwonderfulschooltalkhairbraidplayeternitysideburnsfacestop