mccarthylaura

mccarthylaura

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Once I was a perfect rendering of an artist. I slaved and struggled, I batted away demons in the night. My heart bled for my work and I was ragged and torn by rejection and time. Now I am nothing more than a human woman- I write and I sing and I am wife to a husband. There are ways in and out of everything, there are methods to our art just as there are to our madness. We are not bound by superstitious addiction to one route only-

Half a life ago I was a child. We were running through grass, barefoot and free. We were not bothered by the rain- the smell of wet wool lingered in the hall long after we shed our thick coats. I did homework and stayed up too late under blankets with flashlights reading stories. I had a best friend- you- and a favorite food and you and me, well we never planned to grow apart.

There are boxes Boxcars, Railroad memories and dreams to sleep on- Someone told me once, That they were a hobo and I was a princess, A princess riding home On a boxcar Stuck in my square domain Long hair flying out the cracks Chasing the stars as we ride on to freedom

With the onslaught of frost the darkening of afternoon skies With your sharp icy tongue and my reluctance to retreat How can one hope to meet the need? How can one pray for love that connects the dots, that holds the hearts is rips from their cages- That will satisfy the hunger within?

We can't hold the heart that hurts us Long enough to heal it so it doesn't strike again- When somebody takes you breaks you and then sets you free, cracked open to the howling wind They know not what they do The too tender brokenness from their last somebody Is still echoing in their bloody cracks

steps

We can't feel the pulsing wind We call back to one lost From some these steps are futile For some these steps lead home Can we recall a time when we walked them together?

forth

Brought forth by the expressionless eye Came unto the world in hope and irreverence Tied to the earth And equally the sky by tethers of silk and gold Come forth and know Who you are and with whom you've come

We continually pride ourselves on our advancements in technology and innovation- what we have always failed to recognize in our ethnocentric imperialistic view is that the cultures that remain close to nature and connected to the interconnectedness of it all, would out live and outlast us all if power stations failed and we were left to rely on our senses.

upper

They took them to feel free They took them to uplift They took them to fall off and test human flight They were down under the shoes of the hopeless Then they were on top of your greatest triumph They told no one They walked among you They were up and you were sleeping

walls

Walking into walls Revert back Begin again You are hopeless Says the jagged mind There's another one Start it up Revert back You are angles You are not free But here Up and down Maybe yes Revert back And walk out Walk out of the walled place Who said you had to live there?

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writing since 2011 · 52 entries · 52 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means Laura showed up.

5longest streak

52days written

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on this day 14 years ago

Laura wrote about signs
“They are everywhere. When you drove to me and told me that you didn't hit one red light the whole way- I knew we needed to meet. When Granddad died and a tornado hit the lake kicking up a big storm, …”

the words Laura reaches for

liveeyesnowskyrainlipshearthousedespitelaymomentnightfreefallwindlit